tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32021712998213922352024-02-21T00:11:23.530-08:00Hearts-a-Glowlife through the eyes of a journeying soulUnknownnoreply@blogger.comBlogger39125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3202171299821392235.post-61657809693555977572016-09-13T15:08:00.002-07:002016-09-13T15:08:11.652-07:00Feeling the shift, reflecting on change...<div class="" data-block="true" data-editor="8cnb4" data-offset-key="7oin1-0-0" style="color: #1d2129; font-family: helvetica, arial, sans-serif; white-space: pre-wrap;">
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<span data-offset-key="7oin1-0-0">As the season shifts from summer to fall (I love this corridor space--the simultaneous welcoming and bidding farewell!), I've also been feeling the shifting season of Kavi's life and our relating. His clear, powerful communication, his adept physical abilities and his ever expanding ways of connecting with others (and individuating from me) are all saying to me that he is no longer a baby, he is a child. And as I sit in this momentous corridor, I am feeling excitement and melancholy for all that is to come, all that has been, and all that is. </span></div>
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<span data-offset-key="7nsd6-0-0">Kavi is a potent being that I am so honored to have in my life and connect with on so many levels. I am grateful for the tender, beautiful and wild spring we spent together. We are growing together. And as I continue to deepen into and accept the role of mama in my life (as well as sister, partner, friend, artist, and beyond), may that mean a deepening into more stillness, compassion, wisdom--into acceptance and embracing of mamahood (and life) and all that it brings: the sweet moments, the sleepless nights, the snuggles, the tantrums. All of it. I'm beginning to understand the cliche "cherish every moment" that is oh-so-often uttered to parents (and one that I have despised many times when I heard it). That understanding is growing in the corridor, where the conditions for cultivating such things are ideal. </span></div>
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<span data-offset-key="a9l5d-0-0">The moving on, disappearing, changing of something creates a space for appreciation of that thing. I am there. For as often as I struggled with mama-ing a baby and then toddler, I am now in such appreciation of those precious times. Missing them. Doing my best to stay out of any judgment about how much or how little I was present to those fleeting stages. Trusting that we both were right where we needed to be. Knowing that this current transition and all the emotions it brings up are guides, informing my future relating. This brings me back to present moment, noticing my heart and how much it swells as I watch Kavi play, sleep, ponder, engage life. I am in love with this boy. That feels good. May I feel this love through all of the seasons we will share in this lifetime.</span></div>
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Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02884285325185323535noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3202171299821392235.post-25038543622920843942016-09-11T22:36:00.000-07:002016-09-11T22:36:25.273-07:00Oklahoma: Goodbye dry desert heat, hellllooooo humidity!<div style="color: #454545; font-family: helvetica; line-height: normal;">
We quietly entered OK via Hwy 33, the red rock of the desert states having given way to grasslands somewhere along the line in Texas. After our usual few hours of nap time driving, we pulled into a small campground to check it out. Pretty, but too close to the road. And LOTS of semi trucks on this route. Our map showed us to be in <a href="http://www.fs.usda.gov/detail/cibola/home/?cid=stelprdb5397425">Black Kettle National Grassland</a>, with an official campground just 20 minutes from where we were--and it looked to be tucked way back from the highway. We made the short jaunt and were pleased with what we found. A quiet spot on a little lake with plenty of shade to park in. And no fee!<br />
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Once we nestled in, Kavi quickly made friends with our nearby neighbors, a couple from Pampa, TX and their 5yo granddaughter. Fishing, as they had been all day. Kavi & Sydney easily took to one another, playing in the water, squishing in the mud and occasionally checking Sydney's fishing pole. Andres made us dinner and we dined lakeside while the kiddies chased fireflies--Sydney even caught a couple--Kavi stopping in now and then for a few bites of food.<br />
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When the sun finally set (nearly 9pm!), we gathered up our dishes and chairs and bid farewell to our new friends. After a truncated bedtime routine, Kavi was in bed, still wriggling a bit, and the noise started up! Though there were only a handful of people in the whole campground, we were sandwiched between generators! It was loud enough that Andres looked for a place to move us. But the place was too small to get any space. We all fell asleep anyhow, though the night was fitful for all three--a combination of the running motors, intermittent wild winds, heavy air and lots of little biting things. A bit bedraggled the next morn, we went through all our morning routines and again hit the road for a nap time drive.<br />
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We meandered through several small highways til landing in Guthrie, where we stopped in at the library for a little internet time while Kavi explored the books (and the bonus Lego hour happening in an adjoining space!!). The air was still so hot and heavy it was painful to imagine cooking. Dinner on the town! After a too heavy Italian meal, we scoped out our next campground--along <a href="http://lcb.okstate.edu/">Lake Carl Blackwell</a>. It was a large recreational area run by Oklahoma State University and was very well kept. After an amazing sunset amidst the many bird and insect choirs, we settled in for the night, lulled to sleep by the crickets.<br />
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The first sounds to wake me was the early morning bird choir--many species chiming in. Drift back to sleep. Next up, patter of rain on the roof, steadily growing louder, heavier. Long, low grumbles. Lightening. It quickly became a big, loud, windy storm--so fun to watch out the window and be grateful e're not in a tent (poor neighbors!). Kavi slept through much of it (til 8am!!), then we all enjoyed watching the show and the growing waves on the lake.<br />
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The storm settled within half an hour, leaving behind bits of outdoor furniture and knick knacks strewn about the large lawn. And the place felt so empty--so many dwellings, but no people! We cleaned up our camp, took a little swim and left. Goodbye to our camp and within a few hours, goodbye to Oklahoma. We didn't experience much of this state, but what we traveled through was green, clean and beautiful!</div>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02884285325185323535noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3202171299821392235.post-27421489919920237902016-08-31T10:59:00.003-07:002016-08-31T10:59:48.820-07:00Texas: Heat and Higher Regard<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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While initially we planned on driving around Texas to avoid driving <i>through </i>Texas, we set our destination to Amarillo, where there were ample services so we could find stores open on the 4th to replenish gas/groceries and a couple other amenities. (Side note: cheapest gas on the trip so far at $1.86/gallon at Toot 'n Totum in Amarillo.) Traveling through we certainly got our fill of billboards touting our fate unless we find and obey God. "If you die tonight...Heaven or Hell?" Hmmmmm. Well, twas hot enough in Texas that perhaps we'd already found hell.<br />
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We scanned the map and settled on a state park/campground about an hour away--looking to be as far out of range of fireworks as possible (which had gone great so far!). <a href="http://www.palodurocanyon.com/">Palo Duro</a> turned out to be a real gem--2nd largest canyon in the country! With many similar feature of the Grand Canyon, including scorching heat, lots of pokey plants and bitey critters. Paying the price for the grand display of beauty. We found our sweet spot to set up our nest--surrounded by red rock on all sides--yum! Excited to arrive at such a place, we settled in for the night, a warm one indeed: all windows open, no covers needed. And Kavi experienced his first firefly encounter! The only downside to our land claim was a little Casita trailer a few slots down from us with the air conditioner constantly humming, even though the folks were away in their vehicle more than they were at camp. Boo. Andres tripped off the power supply before bed at night and once the next day while they were away. Bandits!<br />
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We had advanced another hour in time in our drive east, which also meant it was lighter later. These two things made it tricky to get Kavi to bed at a decent time. In fact, he didn't end up finally surrendering to sleep until 11pm!! This was just after the BIG fireworks display that went on for 20 minutes or so, ending in a very grand finale--and all of it was quite close! Now, in checking in at the front gate, I specifically asked if fireworks were allowed as we were doing our best to avoid them, preferring the peace of nature. The ranger assured me they were certainly NOT allowed--not at any of the parks. Hmmmm, they certainly did feel close, but perhaps Amarillo is closer than we were realizing as the crow flies.<br />
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The next day, after breakfast, clean up and an attempted bike ride (Kavi fell apart before it could even start and it was decided instead to move towards nap time), I found the Park Ranger Host for our little campground (a retired fellow named Bullet) to see about staying another night--too beautiful here to leave so quickly! In talking with him, we discovered the fireworks were the last act of an outdoor musical called "<a href="http://www.texas-show.com/">Texas</a>" happening at the amphitheatre in the park, about a mile from us--oh! Not only that, but the show (and the fireworks) happen EVERY night!! Except Mondays. With the exception of this week being as July 4th was on a Monday. Uh huh. What are the odds?? And how was this not mentioned at the front gate?? Funny stuff.<br />
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It was so hot, we sat around under the trees til nearly 4pm, then checked out the little stream nearby. Too many biting flies, so took bike ride/little walk. So gorgeous here!! We kept the adventure brief due to heat. Wanted to be sure not to overdo it considering Kavi was with us, and we had very little water with us. Also discovered earlier that day 2 folks were ambulanced out due to heat exhaustion/dehydration. Andres learned that the air temp just above the trail was around 150°--whoa! The thermostat on the trail registered at 110° at just after 5pm!! Kavi is SUCH an adventurer--he wanted to keep hiking.<br />
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Back at camp, Kavi settled into his fave activity--playing with his little bag of trucks, while Andres & I tended to work until dinner. Still hot out, we decided to attend the nightly BBQ at the amphitheatre rather than cook. We rode our bikes the mile to the venue, where the night's crowd was already gathering for dinner and the show (the afore-mentioned firework finale show). We bought our tickets and collected our heaping plates of Texas fare--sausage, bbq brisket, pinto beans, potato salad, coleslaw, and peach cobbler. Tea and lemonade to wash it all down. Was tastier than anticipated and we had a sweet mama/daughter duo join us at our table. They were there to see the show and the daughter filled us in that it was written in 1960<b> </b>and was created for this park. Another layer to the story!! So the musical wasn't just a passing fancy that the park ranger who checked us in would have forgotten or been unfamiliar with. Andres and I both chuckled at this. After dinner, we rode back to our camp (me with a tender belly--such a heavy meal!!). After readying for bed and reading stories to Kavi, I'm pretty sure I fell asleep before he did and we all slept well that night--despite any fireworks.<br />
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The next morning was an anomaly. Andres & I were up early to ready ourselves for a bike ride before the heat of the day started up. And somehow lil Kavi just kept sleeping, despite our attempts to be noisy enough that he would wake! This little guy is always up before we're ready to be and on this one morning we wanted to get crackin', he just kept turning over and going back to sleep! Our little toddler teenager. Once we finally roused him, he was amenable to a quick departure and we rolled out just half an hour later than scheduled. We stopped by Bullet's place to let him know our morning plans, should anything go awry. Then off for adventure! We rode the <a href="http://www.texashiking.com/Locations/ShowLocation.aspx?LocationID=1878">Givens, Spicer, Lowry Trail</a> to the Lighthouse Trail--about 6 miles all told. Not so far and none of it too intense (though the GSL is considered a "challenging" mountain bike trail by the Park Service). That said, it was exciting for me as I am not a fan of mountain biking! In my adult life, I mountain biked in 1998. One time. That was enough for me to decide I much prefer road biking to all the jarring landings, sideways sliding wheels and white knuckles of mountain biking. This ride felt different. I felt fairly at ease from the start and at some point noticed how much I was enjoying the strategy of the ride--looking ahead to see which rocks to steer clear of, which I could cruise over, how best to maneuver through the rutty, rugged terrain. Andres rode in front of me for the first few miles, with Kavi seated behind him. Even without Kavi in tow, he was riding a heavier bike. And he was managing the slick sand and rocky ups and downs quite well. When I saw him manage a downhill that made me nervous, I went for it. After all, my bike would handle much smoother so long as I kept my cool. After a bit, this built up my self trust and I eventually took the lead so I could go my own speed and not be stopped when they were unable to manage a difficult spot. Fun! I'm still not a fan of being so knocked about, but that was a great ride and an empowering experience to feel so much more confident about something (nearly 20 years older!) that I still have so little experience with. And to top it off, <b>we saw this happen.</b>..</div>
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<span style="color: #454545; font-family: helvetica;">A few curves later, Andres also spotted a Great Horned Lizard (endangered) which we watched until the critter scattered. It was an invigorating, satisfying and beautiful ride--and was "only" 98° at the end of our ride. Upon returning to camp, we let Bullet know we were safely returned, we showered off and said our farewells to Palo Duro. Yet another beautiful home. </span></div>
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Adios, Texas!</div>
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Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02884285325185323535noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3202171299821392235.post-13733706780161196672016-08-27T20:40:00.004-07:002016-08-27T20:40:59.140-07:00New Mexico: Land of Summer Storms!<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<span style="color: #454545; font-family: inherit;">We got on the road in the late morn from Ganado, AZ, about an hour from the New Mexico border. Kavi went immediately to sleep as we drove through more red rock and scrubby terrain of the reservation land. As had become our norm, we stuck to highways and a random route, which this time led us to </span><a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Chaco_Culture_National_Historical_Park" style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="color: #e4af09;">Chaco Canyon</span></a><span style="color: #454545; font-family: inherit;">--yay!! Upon arriving at the crossroads to the park entry, we took a moment to decide if this was to be a stop for us, mainly because the road leading in was 20 miles of washboard. A slow trek in our ride. We were quick to decide that certainly this was a worthwhile trek, though we would need to stop sooner to eat. We started the bumpy drive and kept on until we found a scenic spot, though shade was not an option. After refueling our bodies, we continued towards our goal. Thankfully, we were able to drive much of the road at a higher speed than expected and we arrived just before the visitor center closed. There were campsites avail and still a few hours til gates were closed to the 9 mile loop of many trails to the various ruins. We drove a couple miles in, to the largest set of ruins and explored in and around the structures and rocks for the next hour or so. It was an ideal spot--all of us getting a good walk and a satisfying exploration of a beautiful, magical place. </span><br />
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<span style="color: #454545; font-family: inherit;">Kavi had recently taken an interest in signs, asking, "what's that sigh-yin says?" anytime he saw one. Sometimes that's every other moment and can get a bit tiresome. The fortunate side effect is that he tends to honor what the signs say when the information pertains to him. This was super helpful on the trail as he is an avid climber and climbing on the walls was not an acceptable activity amongst these sacred, crumbling structures. So anytime he started making a move to go up a wall or off a trail, I reminded him of the signs and their request for cooperation and respect of this special place. </span><br />
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<span style="color: #454545; font-family: inherit;">We settled into a campsite for a simple meal while watching the sunset. As we were cleaning up, a family pulled into the next spot over. The youngest turned out to be a 6 year old boy, who Kavi immediately took a liking to and quickly abandoned our site to be with him. He "helped" set up their tent and ran around giggling until we retrieved him to read stories and head to bed. It was a cool night with a sky full of stars. We all slept well. </span><br />
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<span style="color: #454545; font-family: inherit;">In the morning we hiked one of the backcountry trails, climbing high up the red rocks to a panoramic view of the hub of the long-gone city. It was a fun trail (the most diverse we’ve been on since Kavi), with lovely desert wildflowers, small remnants of the lost culture and more ruins. Kavi hiked a fair amount of the trail on his own (his endurance is building!), though asked to be carried much of the return trip and fell asleep on my back about 15 minutes before we reached the camper. Thankfully, he transferred into his seat with only a short waking squawk before returning to slumber. Then it was goodbye to the rich lands. </span><br />
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Kavi & me--going down!<br />
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<span style="color: #454545; font-family: inherit;">Within a couple hours, it was goodbye to the red rocks as we drove into the pine forests, landing in Santa Fe National Park, just beyond Cuba, NM. We found a remote spot on a forest road with no one around. Such a great camping spot! Lots of trees, flowers, grassy areas and little paths to explore. After setting up, we hiked around a bit, had a nice meal outside (so few bugs!) and played games as the sun went down. The next morning Kavi and I did more exploring while papa cooked breakfast. After eating, we all went out together, taking in the wild flowers, climbing rocks and following paths to their endpoints. Then it was back on the road! </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: inherit;"> </span><span style="color: #454545; font-family: inherit;">Next stop, Santa Fe, to visit dear friends Jon & Amanda and our first meeting with their 2.5 year old son, Manu. Kavi & Manu were both excited about the visit. We planned to arrive a day earlier and both boys had been disappointed by the delay. Upon meeting, they went straight into playing with trucks! Manu has a great collection of small cars and trucks as well as a sandbox out back with bigger trucks to haul dirt and push around. Push around cars and trucks is what these two did a majority of the time--though not always cooperatively! Their initial excitement about one another eventually turned into what looked more like sibling rivalry. Kavi spent a bit of time in an aggressor role, screaming at and biting Manu when he was frustrated (which was often just at the sight of Manu playing with his own toys!). Still, there were many sweet moments together. Times of gentle wrestling, chasing each other around, riding bikes and eating popsicles. </span><br />
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<span style="color: #454545; font-family: inherit;">We visited Amanda's childhood home on the beautiful land where her parents still live. After a big walk around and creek exploration, Andres pushed Kavi around for a nap walk, giving me space to take a much needed snooze. As I was dozing off, it began to sprinkle. About an hour later, I was awakened by such a big thunder clap and immediately jumped up and ran downstairs. The rain and wind had picked up and I got some notion that there could be a flash flood and perhaps we needed to head out before we got stuck out there! Seems I should have stayed in bed. Amanda's mom giggled at the notion and said there would hardly be enough rain to wet the ground. Oh well. Was nice watching the storm go by. </span><br />
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: x-small;">Family time on the land--tough to get a good candid group photo!</span></td></tr>
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<span style="color: #454545; font-family: inherit;">The next day was a s</span><span style="color: #454545; font-family: inherit; font-style: inherit;">low, stormy, snuggly, sick day. Kavi spent much of the day in arms-around-mama's-neck position. Feverish and listless, he was needing closeness and comfort above all else. </span><span style="color: #454545; font-family: inherit; font-style: inherit;">I felt tender hearted witnessing his sad eyes and slumped body, doing my best to stay out of worry mode (a state I've become more acquainted with in my role as parent). While knowing he is strong and healthy, thoughts still niggled in... "what if it's this illness or that disease?", even if unlikely. </span><span style="color: #454545; font-family: inherit; font-style: inherit;">The slow-moving day offered me much time for reflection and wondering. What I came to at the end of the day was admiration, respect and love for all the parents who have nursed a child in extreme or ongoing illness, injury or disability. What strength, patience and overall resources that must take. *Sending a prayer to all the littles and their caretakers for health, well being and peace in your hearts.*</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">And the next day, Kavi was back up and running! And he and Manu were back at their sibling-like antics. It was quite the juxtaposition after the day of tenderness and nurturing, now returned to the toddler terrain that solidified my stance at sticking with a family of three! Ok, aside from whatever kid drama transpired, we had a lovely visit with the family--it was so filling to catch up with dear friends we haven't seen for a few years, to rest in their beautiful home, to share delicious home-cooked meals, to feel each other from where we are now in our lives. Thank you, Oda family, for welcoming us in so fully!</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">The day we left, we decided to have one more town adventure, per the suggestion of Amanda. So we headed out early and made our way to <a href="https://meowwolf.com/about/visit/">Meow Wolf</a>. What a trip!! It's an interactive mystery/art exploration in a giant transformed warehouse and it is captivating! Kavi got a kick out of the place as well, though we couldn't really explore in the way we might choose to if kid-free, so the experience was a bit of a tease. Still, one I highly recommend if you're in Santa Fe! </span></div>
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<span style="color: #454545; font-family: inherit;">We stayed a couple nights at a campground just outside of town, then made our way to Taos. I had some romantic vision of what our time there would be. That did not manifest. My last visit to Taos was 17 years ago while on a cross-country journey with a dear friend. A very different adventure traveling as a single woman without any responsibilities or agenda. Both the town and I had changed much since that time. On top of it, Kavi was in a spell of really pushing boundaries, big testing going on! Fortunately, my patience was growing and I was in a spell of seeing the bigger arc of things, which meant more would slide off of me without getting me stuck in some funk. (Part of this patience cultivation was due to the support of a podcast I began listening to on respectful parenting--</span><a href="http://www.janetlansbury.com/podcasts/" style="font-family: inherit; font-size: 13px;">Unruffled</a><span style="color: #454545; font-family: inherit;">.) Since the town thang wasn't working out, we went back to the ol' reliable nature thang. We drove a short way out of town to a gravel road that became a dirt road that grew ever more bumpy the further we drove. Our goal was a hot springs that came highly recommended. Cell reception was spotty and our map was not working reliably. The overcast sky began to let down its cache of water in tiny little droplets. We came to a part of the road that was just not passable for our vehicle. A short backtrack and we found another dirt road to follow. Our electronic map came online again as the sprinkles gave way to rain. We held out hope that we would soon be soaking (how lovely it would be in this weather!). We were only a couple miles out from the springs when we came upon another questionable spot in the road. As we were deliberating our choices, a car pulled alongside us asking if we were headed to the springs. Yes. Did we have 4wd? No. Best not try it then. Hmmmmmm. No hot springs for us this time. </span><br />
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<span style="color: #454545; font-family: inherit;">As it was 4th of July weekend and town was bustling with visitors, we decided against driving out to a campground that would likely be full. Alas, we ended up in Walmart parking lot (!). This was certainly not my vision of time in Taos. However, we did meet a couple friendly long-time rv-ers that were good company for a bit before heading inside for the night, sharing worthwhile places to check out and they confirmed that campgrounds would be full for the weekend (which made our decision more palatable). It rained much of the night. Next morning we packed up quickly, with the goal of getting a bigger hike in before putting in any miles of driving. We ended up at Kit Carson State Park. It was sprinkling as we parked and looked as if the weather could turn. We opted for raincoats and the chance to see a new place. But before we even made it out of the parking lot, Kavi fell apart. On cue, the rain started up. We decided to move on. </span><br />
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<span style="color: #454545; font-family: inherit;">We followed Hwy 64 to <a href="http://www.stateparks.com/cimarron_canyon_state_park_in_new_mexico.html">Cimmaron Canyon State Park</a>. Yet another gorgeous area--tall, tall pines and amazing rock formations. We stopped sooner than we planned to as the place intrigued us enough to want to stay and explore. </span><br />
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<span style="color: #454545; font-family: inherit;">We scored the last remaining spot in a large campground that sported a small, stocked reservoir and was full of families, American flags and fishing poles. While it wasn't a place we would typically camp, there were no fireworks allowed (!!) and there were trails close by. After setting up, we set out for our first adventure with a recommendation from the camp host. It seems we must have taken a wrong turn at some point as the trail became unclear and then we encountered lots of little spurs that didn't really go anywhere. So, we took to exploring the rocky areas. Our main draw to this region was the formations we saw from the highway. Sadly, those didn't seem accessible from the trails, but we still found some interesting spots. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: inherit;"> It was an uneventful evening and surprisingly quiet night considering how many people were filling the campground. We left early the next day to get in another hike, which turned out to be less interesting than the first one, though we did have a nice view from the top of the mountain we climbed...</span><span style="color: #454545; font-family: inherit;"> </span><br />
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<span style="color: #454545; font-family: inherit;">Once back on the road, we rambled this way and that and ended up at </span><a href="http://www.emnrd.state.nm.us/SPD/claytonlakestatepark.html" style="font-family: inherit;">Clayton Lake State Park</a><span style="color: #454545; font-family: inherit;"> in New Mexico--which was more understated than the last few camping spots, but quite lovely and serene. It was a great place to ride bikes, which we did right away. We rode around the whole camping village (which was nearly empty, surprisingly), then hiked the short Dinosaur Trail that boasted fossilized dinosaur tracks!</span><br />
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: x-small;">Looking out towards dino tracks. Couldn't capture good pic, so snapped this lovely instead. :-)</span></td></tr>
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<span style="color: #454545; font-family: inherit;"><span style="color: #454545; font-family: inherit;">As we returned to camp, a light sprinkle and the sun both began their descent. Ominous clouds loomed over the distant hills. We three were a bit crabby (a common occurrence amongst the sleep-deprived) and bickered a bit. The sprinkle turned to rain which </span><span style="font-family: inherit;">quickly turned into a BIG storm!!</span><span style="font-family: inherit;"> This quieted our little storm as we were captured by the intensity and beauty of what was all around. </span></span><br />
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<span style="color: #454545; font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-family: -webkit-standard;">In the morning we took another bike ride to a lovely nature trail and skipped rocks in the reservoir. Then we packed, showered up and drove off. Goodbye, New Mexico and thank you for sharing your beauty!</span></span><br />
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<span style="color: #454545; font-family: inherit;"><span style="color: black; font-family: -webkit-standard;">Family photo shoot!! :-)</span></span></div>
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<span style="color: #454545; font-family: inherit;"><br /></span>Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02884285325185323535noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3202171299821392235.post-90991392633130285192016-07-27T12:03:00.000-07:002016-07-27T12:03:40.969-07:00Arizona: Hot Times and Big Change<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<span style="color: #454545; font-family: helvetica;">Just under a week into our journey, we arrived at our first scheduled destination: Phoenix, AZ. Our time there would be chill, other than the temps measuring over 100º our entire visit! The crux of this stop was to connect with family--Andres' dad (Tony) and his wife (Linda) and grandma (Conchita), who lives just one block from Tony & Linda. We also took the opportunity to dial in and cozy up the camper a bit. I made some curtains (thank you, Eva, for the use of the sewing machine!), set up a little altar on the front dash for protection on our travels, and placed tidbits here and there to make the place more ours. Conchita, Eva (friend/neighbor/caregiver to Conchita), Tony & Linda all speak fluent Spanish and it’s what’s spoken in both households much of the time. Kavi was riveted by the different sounds and started repeating many of the single words and short phrases. He seemed particularly fond of ‘adios’. </span><br />
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Due to the heat (up to 119º!!), we looked for places and ways to keep cool. And to be able to hang with a toddler and a senior simultaneously--the two have very different mobility needs. Barnes & Noble ended up being the most popular spot for us as we could take it easy with grandma looking at interesting books and Kavi was engaged with the Lego table and kids books--and it was easy to walk him around in the stroller to nap, then enjoy the cool air and wi-fi in the store once he was asleep. One of the bookstores was in a big mall that had misters set up along the entire back length behind the stores with lots of cushy lounge chairs and tables to sit and enjoy the spray. Amidst this set-up, there was an area with multiple small fountains of water that people were invited to walk through/play in. And there was a fro-yo (frozen yogurt) store just behind that--perfect set up for keeping cool, entertaining a wee one and offering all of us a little treat!</div>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Our day with Conchita</td></tr>
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O<span style="color: #454545;">ne of the days Tony and his wife, Linda, offered to play with Kavi for a few hours and give us some time to be with Conchita--a great way for everyone to get special time. The three of us did a little shopping, ran a couple errands and had a yummy lunch while the three of them played with Kavi's trucks, napped the little dude and went to the Railroad Museum (a pretty cool spot we took Kavi to on our last visit to Phoenix). Upon returning to Conchita's, we checked in with Tony, who said they were having a good time together and Andres and I should take time to ourselves, that they would feed Kavi dinner and even put him to bed. Sweet!!! We hadn't had a date night in over a year! </span><span style="color: #454545;">And only twice before has anyone else put Kavi to bed (both times sweet sister Luna from <a href="https://www.facebook.com/Laughing-Heart-Living-264774486957204/?fref=ts">Laughing Heart</a>, who Kavi adores!), so this was a special offer indeed! Funny enough, we had a little space of waffling, both out of concern for Kavi and Tony(nighttime/sleep have been a challenge for us and it's a time Kavi can get pretty emotional), as well as just not being sure what to do with ourselves with this unexpected freedom!</span></div>
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<span style="color: #454545;">For a moment, we considered running our typical agenda of pulling out our computers and working. Sheesh! We agreed we ought at least go to dinner first and engage one another as a couple for a bit--not just as parents and work partners. Having a child can be (and is, for us) quite challenging on a relationship, taking so much time and energy that it's easy to feel drained before getting around to feeding the relationship that brought that child into physical existence! </span><span style="color: #454545;">Anyhow, that's for another blog post that I hope to get around to at some point. Back to the date. We settled on the restaurant in the nearby Whole Foods both for the ease of it and because they had wi-fi. We figured we would tend to a little work while having a casual dinner, then drive to a lovely overlook somewhere to enjoy couple time. On our way to dinner, we ended up in such engrossing conversation, that we sat in the car for at least half an hour before going in. It continued throughout much of the meal, connecting us more deeply, reminding us of why we chose each other to begin with. There were so many things that had been going unsaid, stuffed down, pushed aside--as it often didn't feel the right time to bring certain things up that we felt the other might balk at, shut down, get defensive, etc. And neither of us feeling the energy to fight! But having this time together somehow allowed it all to come out more easefully, more calmly, more lovingly. And to be received. No shutting down, no defensiveness, no fighting. And two lighter, more connected hearts at the end of it. Thank you, Tony and Linda for loving up Kavi and giving us such a gift! Tony even slept with Kavi that night and didn't end his shift til 5am the next morn--go grandpa!</span><span style="text-align: center;"> </span></div>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">An early morning Kavi-led selfie sesh--unknowingly our final nursing time<br />
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It was the first Andres & I slept in the same bed (and without a baby!!) in many months. We decided to use the opportunity to create a bigger shift for our family. Time to wean. We were already down to only bedtime and morning wake-up feeds and though I had night-weaned many months prior, Kavi would still wake several times a night, usually asking for milk (and he wouldn't take a bottle or drink what he called "refrigerator milk"). This was a big decision for me as I hadn't known the last time I nursed him it would be the last time. Nor did he. That felt sad. However, I had been talking to him for a couple weeks about "mama milk" coming to an end as it was always my plan to wean at some point in the travels. I just expected I'd know it was about to happen. But here we were with a great set-up and Kavi hadn't made a big fuss about bedtime or wake-up without me (though it was earlier than usual). I was certain this change was going to be best for our family (for all of our sleep!), even if it was difficult for either/both Kavi and I temporarily. I'll keep the story brief, though I feel like I could write at length and perhaps at some point I'll take on a detailed account. Kavi was pleased to see me in the morn and did not mention milk. We played quietly together til the household awoke, then had a pretty quiet day between home and the bookstore. I shared with him a few times throughout the day that we were done with mama milk and we would have a special ceremony together in the evening. I asked if he was ok with that and each time he smiled sweetly and said, "yeah". Of course, I couldn't know what his level of understanding was around my sharing. That evening, we had a simple ceremony to acknowledge that nursing was complete and we were moving into a new space in our relationship. Greater independence for each of us, though we would still be strongly connected. I gave him a little gift to remind him of our connection and we blew out a candle together. It was incredibly touching and he was so present and loving. Then papa took over to shower him and go through bedtime routine without me, to keep things simpler in case Kavi suddenly wanted to nurse (this was how he'd gotten to sleep for a little over two years!). As the two of them walked from Conchita's to Tony's, I watched til they were out of sight. And my heart was breaking. It felt like a break-up. And I suppose it was, of a sort. I hadn't anticipated so much emotion, especially as there had been so many times I felt done with that part of motherhood over the previous few months. Yet, there it was. Another big contrast coming up in my mama journey. Seems parenthood is chock full of 'em! </div>
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<span style="font-family: helvetica;">Kavi did great that night in going to sleep for papa. And he went into a rage in the morning upon waking. I relieved papa from his overnight post and went to soften things with Kavi. This was the most upset I had witnessed him to date. I stayed calm, told him I understood he was upset and that I was there for him, though I wouldn't allow him to hurt me. Mostly I stayed quiet and present, giving him a bit of physical space until he would allow me to get close without wanting to attack. This went on for maybe ten minutes and just like that, he did a 180. I asked if </span><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">he wanted to go cook eggs together and he cheerily agreed. The rest of the day was sweet between us and that was the biggest emoting he's had so far (though this topic would weave in here and </span><span style="font-family: helvetica;">there as our travels continued). Wow, what a milestone! My prayer from here is that he continues to feel my support as strongly even though we've separated a bit, that he cultivates trust in his own abilities to calm and comfort his fires and fears, and that he begins to sleep more easefully through the nights. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="color: #454545; font-family: helvetica;">The rest of the visit was low-key, a slow rhythm of keeping cool in the heat while connecting with each ot</span><span style="color: #454545; font-family: helvetica;">her in the m</span><span style="color: #454545; font-family: helvetica;">undane moments of our daily routines. The usual family time: simple, sweet and sometimes saucy. Before bidding farewell, we did one last round of shopping to stock up on goodies and Andres made a big batch of kim chee. Then we were mobile again. </span></span><br />
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Best group photo we could manage! :-) Linda, Tony, Conchita, Andres, Kavi & me<img border="0" height="360" src="https://4.bp.blogspot.com/-YR1W2-eKEnc/V2ogNX1OkjI/AAAAAAAAeEs/K0OM1S31d004hXwRYustUFnrgYjtlv6GQCKgB/s640/13493537_10208938611636455_609213148_o.jpg" width="640" /></td></tr>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="color: #454545; font-family: helvetica;">First stop, </span><a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sedona,_Arizona" style="font-family: helvetica;">Sedona</a><span style="color: #454545; font-family: helvetica;">! A great place to land for the </span><a href="https://thepowerpath.com/moon-updates/full-moonsolstice-update-6-20-16/" style="font-family: helvetica;">Summer Solstice/Full Moon</a><span style="color: #454545; font-family: helvetica;"> (on the same day!) with it's vast open sky and red rock hugging in on all sides. We drove straight to the river to cool down and get in some movement. We found a lovely spot along <a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Oak_Creek_Canyon">Oak Creek Canyon</a> (a gorgeous area!), where we met a lovely family: Chelsea, Michael and their toddler son, Talon. We all made the short hike to the water together. The papas and babes got right into the water while the mamas connected and set up a cozy spot where we all ended up hanging for a bit.Turns out they were in the process of fixing up a trailer they recently bought and were going on the road soon and would also be on the lookout for their community/land/home--what a coincidence! We shared stories and snacks (they had a delicious homemade, chilled basil watermelon juice) until it was time to go. We said goodbye, with the possibility of a visit on our return trip--would be fun to see where we all our in our journeys at that point.</span></span><br />
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">on hike to Oak Creek Canyon river spot</td></tr>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">We three drove just up the road and found a place to hike for a bit amongst the rocks. Kavi was really testing out his balance, attempting ever more challenging climbing endeavors. We saw a few lizards, some tadpoles in a puddle and enjoyed the changing light/shadow play in the bottom of a canyon. At some point I asked Kavi how to say hello in Spanish (we had been practicing a few words since leaving grandma's). His response, "hello in Spanish". Uh huh. We retraced our steps to climb out of the canyon and make our way to a camping spot.</span></div>
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The sun was setting as we drove across town and down the remote forest road where Andres had discovered we could pull over on the side of the road and camp just about anywhere--such a find!! We were alone out there, with just the light from the stars (and a handful of lights in a distant neighborhood). And only the sounds of the crickets. A sweet spot indeed.</div>
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Kavi woke us earrrrllllyy in the morn. After a few attempts to get him back to sleep, I gave in and we watched the sun rise from our loft bed. Kavi asked, "what's that?" and I tuned into a sound he had noticed. Hmmmm, sounded like a pressurized gas hose being turned on and off. I went outside to look around and found the source. Hot air balloons!! There were five of them at varying distances, coming up over the far-off rocks and headed our way. I scooped Kavi up and we walked up the road to get a closer look. So fun to see the colorful vessels gently floating up, then descending til nearly touching the earth before taking flight again. We were so close that at times it felt as though we could jump right on! The sky parade floated on by and off into the distance, with two big-eyed spectators following on foot.</div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">When we made it back to the camper, we did a quick breakfast and pack-up so we could get out for a hike before the intense heat set in. A short drive later landed us at Fay Canyon. We hiked a few miles and experienced a thunder storm with a bit of rain halfway through while perched on a big rock, enjoying a snack. What a beauty filled morning!</span></div>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Fay Canyon</td></tr>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Our rock perch</td></tr>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">fun texture</td></tr>
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<tr><td><a href="https://4.bp.blogspot.com/-4bNHLMN7VIg/V2og39LBH6I/AAAAAAAAeFY/eWNyWbMG8EI8be2LYzG6zWoRQjv-39tngCKgB/s1600/IMAG3464.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="360" src="https://4.bp.blogspot.com/-4bNHLMN7VIg/V2og39LBH6I/AAAAAAAAeFY/eWNyWbMG8EI8be2LYzG6zWoRQjv-39tngCKgB/s640/IMAG3464.jpg" width="640" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption"><a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Datura">Datura</a> or "Devil's Trumpet"</td></tr>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">We went for lunch and ice cold drinks, then found our camping spot for the night--this time in a well-shaded RV park on a creek. We all napped, chilled, hung out in the water, enjoyed the thunder storm, yummy dinner, then early to bed (we were all a bit cranky from lack of sleep). Early bedtime was a fortunate decision as the next morning Kavi was up at 4am! I ultimately ended up strolling him around the campground and finally got him back to sleep around 5am. Back at the camper, I laid down, tossed and turned a bit, then fell into slumber. For 15 minutes! Then Kavi was up and at 'em. Whoa. Time to surrender. So we played and hung out til papa was up and could take over to let me sleep a bit more. So thankful we have one another in support in this big work! Again, we were all a bit cranky--and it was a beautiful day, which ultimately helped shift our states. Once on the road, Kavi fell right to sleep and we enjoyed a gorgeous drive. </span><br />
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<tr><td class="tr-caption">Andres and his homemade kim chee</td></tr>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Kavi chillin' in Oak Creek</td></tr>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Hey, that's papa's beer!! (As Kavi says, "behr-wah") Gotta watch where you set those bottles down!</td></tr>
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When Kavi woke, <span style="text-align: center;">we pulled over in a random, desolate spot to eat and walk around a bit.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="color: #454545;">Then it was back to driving--long, straight stretches, </span><span style="text-align: center;"><span style="color: #454545;">miles of distant red rock with flat expanses of low, shrubby flora. For some time, we could see storms in the distance. Several of them. Then very suddenly, we were in the midst of it. Big rain, thunder,lightening--it was exhilarating! We were still sticking to back roads and highways and this round of driving we made in the moment decisions to take a different road than the Google map was suggesting, to see what it offered. We drove til near sunset, where we pulled off on a random gravel road leading into a forest in a small town called Ganado. Tucked deep in the trees away from the highway noise, we found a lovely spot with lots of little wild flowers and </span></span><span style="color: #454545;">little paths winding here and there. We did a little trash pickup (seems many folks used the area for hanging out/partying and left their garbage behind) while watching the sun set, then quietly went about our nighttime routine. Our final night in Arizona. The following day we would greet New Mexico.</span></span></div>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Final AZ sunset</td></tr>
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Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02884285325185323535noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3202171299821392235.post-83613290662230228842016-07-01T11:44:00.002-07:002016-07-01T11:44:37.986-07:00One Pissed Off Mama!<img border="0" height="378" src="https://4.bp.blogspot.com/-YWxeGls4atM/V3a0CpFRsCI/AAAAAAAAemg/PU7gi4G7_i0lTcgyRNNIarZg4x4_aKsBQCK4B/s640/IMAG3524_1.jpg" width="640" /><br />
<a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-nEA4U6-w2Lk/V3azbMTVa6I/AAAAAAAAemQ/9HGfuEJA8_4VcSMuB6FKdm5PPzlvk-mvgCK4B/s1600/IMAG3539.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><br /></a><a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-nEA4U6-w2Lk/V3azbMTVa6I/AAAAAAAAemQ/9HGfuEJA8_4VcSMuB6FKdm5PPzlvk-mvgCK4B/s1600/IMAG3539.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><br /></a><a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-nEA4U6-w2Lk/V3azbMTVa6I/AAAAAAAAemQ/9HGfuEJA8_4VcSMuB6FKdm5PPzlvk-mvgCK4B/s1600/IMAG3539.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><br /></a><a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-nEA4U6-w2Lk/V3azbMTVa6I/AAAAAAAAemQ/9HGfuEJA8_4VcSMuB6FKdm5PPzlvk-mvgCK4B/s1600/IMAG3539.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><br /></a><a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-nEA4U6-w2Lk/V3azbMTVa6I/AAAAAAAAemQ/9HGfuEJA8_4VcSMuB6FKdm5PPzlvk-mvgCK4B/s1600/IMAG3539.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><br /></a><a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-nEA4U6-w2Lk/V3azbMTVa6I/AAAAAAAAemQ/9HGfuEJA8_4VcSMuB6FKdm5PPzlvk-mvgCK4B/s1600/IMAG3539.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="640" src="https://2.bp.blogspot.com/-nEA4U6-w2Lk/V3azbMTVa6I/AAAAAAAAemQ/9HGfuEJA8_4VcSMuB6FKdm5PPzlvk-mvgCK4B/s640/IMAG3539.jpg" width="360" /></a>Today at the library I witnessed a young boy launching into a tantrum. And it made me smile (but only on the inside out of respect to the boy's grandma, who I felt for). It was a smile of relief that I am not alone in the toddler tantrum world. And of course I realize I'm far from alone, though in the past few days it feels as though all the little ones around me are quiet, loving little angels while my little devil launches attack after attack to see how long I'll withstand the barrage of screaming, biting, hitting, general defiance and displeasure. Whew! Seriously. He was sick with a fever early this week and from the moment his energy returned, he seems to have a penchant for boundary pushing. Around everything. I get that this is par for the course for his age, I've just been caught off guard by the exponential increase in challenging behavior--literally overnight! Now it's time for me to regroup and strategize for my sanity and my family's well being. Because in the past 36 hours, my 28 pound son has taken me down. At least in terms of my "conscious parenting". Anger has been brewing inside me and spilling out with more shouts, threats, furrowed brows and pursed lips than I'm comfortable with, even given the circumstances. Lack of sleep is surely contributing to my short temper and frequent outbursts, but I don't want to let myself too off the hook as that won't help me move in another direction. And what direction will it be? I don't know just yet. At the moment, I'm still in a bit of disbelief and dread. I'll take comfort that I'm at least noticing my reactions (like telling Kavi he's not any fun to be around and shooting him dirty looks in the rearview mirror--nice one, mama) and desiring something different, something more connected. Something that will create strong bonds between us even while revealing the strong boundaries we both need. Some steps I can take to get me started--take a deep breath, notice where I can drop my agenda, dig back into the book I was getting so much out of ("<a href="http://www.drdansiegel.com/books/no_drama_discipline/">No Drama Discipline</a>"), remind myself that I'm a great mama and we're both so fortunate to have one another to teach and learn from, and say a little prayer that tomorrow I can chill out a bit more when the tantrums arise. What are your strategies for keeping your cool with your wee one(s)? Where would you benefit from a shift in your parenting techniques?<br />
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Update: I wrote the post above last night before bed, though didn't have wi-fi access to post it. This morning I awoke with a calmer inner landscape, ready to engage the day and find ways to nurture my relationship with Kavi. And as is so often the case when we reach our breaking point with our wee ones, that point of feeling ready to run off without looking back, things shift. While he's not a loving little angel (in my limited seeing and based solely on behavior), the testing is not feeling quite as constant, allowing for moments of sweet connection and easeful collaboration. Todays prayer, may I feel rooted in my <a href="http://www.goddessgift.com/goddess-myths/kuan-yin.htm">Kuan Yin</a> nature, while knowing when to call on <a href="http://hinduism.about.com/od/hindugoddesses/a/makali.htm">Kali</a>'s forces!</div>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Kavi & I played trucks in our campground this morning, something that keeps him engaged for long periods of time!</td></tr>
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<br />Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02884285325185323535noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3202171299821392235.post-89864766492678513252016-06-18T07:39:00.000-07:002016-06-18T07:39:05.622-07:00Cross-Country Journey: Cali, From Here to There<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
<img border="0" height="360" src="https://3.bp.blogspot.com/-xAGJJHeS7to/V2OIPgkS0mI/AAAAAAAAdtE/kY0Y4o5I6fcucETQJCNHw0u0HdcM597-QCKgB/s640/new%2Bhome.jpg" width="640" /><span style="text-align: left;">Summer is here--and we're on the road again! Andres has a couple of commissioned projects in Boston and New York in early August and we decided to make it a loooong road trip, taking our time to explore and visit rarely seen friends and family. Yay!! The first (big) steps were to sell our car and truck and to purchase our new home on wheels. There were a few times that anxiety clamped on and hung out for a ride in our bellies, but ultimately trust won out and timing worked quite nicely for us to get on the road about a week ago after a little visit with dear friends in Grass Valley and a soak in the Yuba River to set us on our way. In our 1989 Chevy Astrovan Tiger, we set out to explore the country.</span></div>
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First stop, my home town of Oakdale, CA. It was a few hour drive (Kavi slept the whole way!!) to meet up with my dad at a local playground for Kavi to run around and get a little fun time with grandpa. Then dad treated us to dinner and gave Kavi a little present that enchanted him...</div>
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<span style="text-align: center;">After dinner we headed to my mom's for the night. We caught up for a couple hours before heading to bed. The next morning, Kavi helped grandma with gardening while Andres & I organized the camper. It was touching to see Kavi with each of my parents, how he takes them in and is developing his own relationships. I wish he had more time with them and am thankful they are close enough to visit. At some point, Andres took Kavi on a bike ride (his first!!) to the playground and to run a couple errands, giving mom and I a chance to </span>catch up a bit more. When they returned, Kavi was fast asleep in his perch on the back! We eased him into the stroller for a nap, tending a couple more errands during the walk. After this, we decided we'd stayed late enough in the day that it was best to stay another night. This gave us the chance to do another layer of organizing and have more hang time with grandma. </div>
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In the morning we loaded up, blew kisses to grandma and took our posts in the Tiger. But which way?? Our first destination was Phoenix, AZ to visit Andres' dad and grandma. Andres suggested a drive through the Sierras to soak up some mountain energy before delving into the vast desert lands. Yes! GPS dialed in, full tank of gas, fluids checked...and we're off! Gently winding highway through the foothills and ever so steadily steepening roads into the thick of the woods. We followed Hwy 120/108 until reaching the 395 and we were graced with nearly empty roads and stunning beauty! The trees got bigger, the forests denser, the boulders grander and everything got colder! We began the drive in the valley heat, making our way into scattered showers and eventually coming upon snow--another first for Kavi! The changes in scenery, temperature, and weather, along with the narrowing roads and steepening drop-offs made for an exhilarating drive.</div>
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<span style="text-align: center;">We stopped in Bridgeport to fill up on water and get some grub. For such a tiny remote town, we found surprisingly tasty food and heard a bit of interesting conversation from the locals seated nearby. It was feeling fun to be on the road and exploring new places! After filling up, we continued on for another hour before landing at our first camping spot--Mono Lake. While not as cold as the snowy spots, there was a deepening chill happening. We all bundled up and took a little trek to the lake shore to catch the sunset. The air was thick with sage as it was growing abundantly for quite a stretch--so yummy! We wound our way through the sage plants and tufa rocks to the edge of the eery lake, so surreal in the pastels of the evening sky, with thin streaks of orange piercing the horizon and reflecting in the waters. We were all feeling jazzed about where we landed. Kavi most of all, as can be seen in this little dancing outburst...</span><br />
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<a href="https://4.bp.blogspot.com/-dBGMTLAIA5c/V2Mhi0b5FeI/AAAAAAAAdrs/YiKWY9Y6GoY1HwHji68kIW0glTSc4z27ACLcB/s1600/MonoLake5.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="360" src="https://4.bp.blogspot.com/-dBGMTLAIA5c/V2Mhi0b5FeI/AAAAAAAAdrs/YiKWY9Y6GoY1HwHji68kIW0glTSc4z27ACLcB/s640/MonoLake5.jpg" width="640" /></a><a href="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-ye1trnQUnRo/V2OYwrlDqII/AAAAAAAAdto/SAt4kED3dBgHY-MCY6YGF88fBWn6y8FdACLcB/s1600/IMAG3185.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-ye1trnQUnRo/V2OYwrlDqII/AAAAAAAAdto/SAt4kED3dBgHY-MCY6YGF88fBWn6y8FdACLcB/s320/IMAG3185.jpg" width="180" /></a>We spent a cozy night inside, appreciating the luxury of a heater! The night was peaceful and we all slept well. Other than some very swollen mosquito bites on Kavi (one eye swollen half shut!), we were all feeling good. The morning turned out to be warmer than the eve prior, though just as picturesque. We decided to drive up the road another 1/4 mile to where there was a ranger hut, bathrooms and a proper trail head to the lake. It was there that we discovered the area was not actually designated for camping--oops! Luckily for us, it wasn't very strongly enforced (i.e., no signs saying as much nor rangers patrolling the area to shoo people away). We happily paid the minimal day use fee and started out for our morning stroll among the tufa. The strange rock formations and super still water gives this place an other-worldly feel. It would have been fun to spend the day exploring the area and taking photos. A short hike and mini-photoshoot was all we'd make time for this round. Then it was back to the camper where Andres made a rockin' breakfast while Kavi & I played soccer, trucks and did our morning stretches. After clean-up, it was back to the road.</div>
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It was a day of desert driving. Long stretches of straight roads, distant mountains and dust. Run-down little towns, big trucks and scattered palm trees. While the deserts of SoCal are not where I'd choose to live, I appreciate the starkness and the hidden gems when you get in really close. I find it uniquely beautiful. And having grown up in the Central Valley, I happen to enjoy the heat!<br />
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We were cruising through Bishop as Kavi woke from his nap, so we stopped at a park for him to run around while Andres made us lunch. He was more chill than usual, even for post-nap We sat in the shade while he watched the other kids play and would occasionally state that something another kid was playing with belonged to him, but otherwise he was very still. When lunch was served, he took a couple bites, then pushed it away. Then he promptly vomited. Another first! He was upset for a couple minutes, then perked up and seemed fine. Even telling me, "I'm not sick". We passed it off on the heat and let him be. We played with bubbles for a bit and packed up to head out. While loading up the van, Kavi ate a couple bites of apple and within a few minutes, vomited again. Over the next few hours, I hung out in the back with Kavi to watch over him. Mostly he slept. While awake it was a mix of sweet chatter, shifting into tenderness and upset, and back again. Mainly, I noticed my concern and all that can come up as a parent when your child isn't feeling well, you're not sure what the issue is and you want to offer anything to soothe their discomfort. I noticed my worry seemed greater because we were traveling and I didn't have access to our healthcare team should it be needed. And being in sparsely populated areas, I wondered how likely I could find the type of practitioner I prefer. I also knew it was best not to worry. He didn't have a fever, and he was drinking water regularly and keeping at least some of it down. Still, watching him while he slept brought up the occasional worrisome thoughts. And presenced me to how much he fills my life, the depth of my love for him. So big. Sickness can be such a bonding experience. To ease my mind, we stayed in a hotel that night in Barstow. This meant we were in a city big enough that it had medical services and that I could give Kavi a bath and do laundry. It also meant a more comfy night's sleep in the very large beds and air-conditioned room. Nice! Kavi (and therefore I) slept more solidly that night than usual, though he woke up twice to throw up. In the morning he was quite chipper and insisting he wasn't sick. He vomited just before we left the hotel and that turned out to be the last of it--yay!! By that afternoon (24 hours after first episode), I felt confident he was on the mend. In fact, he was so fully back to his two-ness that I was wishing for a slower ramp up!!<br />
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The rest of the day was fairly mundane: desert and driving. At some point, Kavi, wearying of the travel, insisted he needed a diaper change. So, we pulled over. Turns out the whole thing was a ploy to get out of the car. He immediately requested his trucks and wanted to play. Sigh. We were still an hour from our destination and he seemed done. I walked around with him and played with the little rocks and sticks and was able to convince him a short time later that we had just a little ways to go and would end up at the playground. Phew, it worked this time. Back in the van. We drove to Blythe, CA, stopped at a park, where Andres made a kick-a&& curry dinner (no spices for Kavi), while Kavi and I played. After dinner, we drove round til we found a suitable spot to park for the night. We found a quiet dead-end road in a neighborhood, where the street was really wide and we could park a bit away from any of the houses. We got all set up and I was just tucking Kavi in for the night when a guy came up to ask us what we were doing there. Drat! It was clear he was not happy with our presence there and would call the cops. So we moved on, Andres driving very slowly as we left our pop-top up, with Kavi and I still laying in the bed. We found another spot just a couple blocks away and again took our chances in a sparse neighborhood. This time, with success!<br />
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The next morning, we packed up, made smoothies for the road and headed out. 9am and it was already hot! We only had a few hours of driving to make it to Phoenix and we wanted that to happen during Kavi's nap time. So we needed something to do for a couple hours. Hmmmmm, not an interesting town. Too hot to hike in a place with so few trees. Hey, we're right next to the Colorado River-yes!! A short drive down a dusty road later, we were cooling off in a big, luscious river spot. Kavi loves the water and was stoked with his playground. Once on the road again, he quickly fell asleep and remained so until arriving at grandpa Tony's house a few hours later. Perfect!<br />
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We covered so much beautiful terrain in our Cali drive, even while seeing so little of what this vast, spectacular state has to offer in natural beauty. And we went from warm, to chilly, to cold to HOT over the course of a few days and several hundred miles. So interesting to take in such variety in such a short time span. Feeling blessed that we have the opportunity for such an exploration! And grateful to all of you who have supported us while prepping for the journey and continue to do so while we're on the road. Thank you for sharing your homes, for meals together, for playtime with Kavi so mama can do her own thang, for medical advice, for hugs and for all the well wishes! <img alt="❤" data-goomoji="2764" goomoji="2764" src="https://ssl.gstatic.com/mail/emoji/6/48px/emoji_u2764.png" style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: arial, sans-serif; height: 24px; margin: 0px 0.2ex; vertical-align: middle; width: 24px;" /></div>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02884285325185323535noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3202171299821392235.post-64175824880361167862016-06-16T14:40:00.000-07:002016-06-16T22:45:00.915-07:00Journey to Opotiki<br />
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A sunny sparkly morn, we left Mahia early to allow time for side explorations on our 3.5 hour drive to Opotiki. While we didn’t find the amazing hike we were hoping for, we did stumble upon an epic driving route! About 2 hours into the drive, we stopped in Matawai, where it was suggested we look for hiking trails. We asked a couple folks in the area for suggestions, but were being guided further afield. We decided to take a more scenic, less speedy (aka gravel road) route that we hoped would provide a trail or two at some point. Early on, there was a fork we were uncertain about and our techy maps were faltering. We stopped at a quirky and quaint cafe to ask a bit of direction. We stopped at the right place! The woman inside was quite knowledgable about the area, sharing a bit of history and easily directing us to what we were seeking, which turned out to be a mere 10 minute drive from there. We stayed a bit to look at the art adorning the walls. About 150 framed photographs of various sizes and subjects, all captured by two local women. The cafe owner asked us to put in a vote for our favorite as they were keeping a tally to decide on which art stayed in the shop. It took a bit of deciding as there were so many great shots! Fortunately, the cafe also had a large library of books to read in house and Kavi was quite entertained. We left there with a trail to head towards and directions to get us to our ultimate destination. </div>
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<span style="text-align: center;">Ten minutes later found us parking just inside Whinrey Scenic Reserve. There were a few cars parked there already and the start of the trail was a long suspension bridge overlooking a small, powerful waterfall. Sweet! Across the bridge we entered the dense jungly canopy where we ohh-ed and ahh-ed over the beautiful flora of various sizes. While the trail was lovely, it seemed it was going to remain the same scenery for quite some time and we were seeking a more diverse adventure. We turned back after about 20 minutes, satisfied that at least we stretched our legs a bit. </span><br />
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: x-small;">Wow, we're at Motu Falls! :-)</span></td></tr>
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<span style="text-align: center;">Once back on the road, we found the diversity we were seeking! The scenic route we chose added a couple hours to our drive, but it was well worth it! We wound in and out and up and down through several reserves, pristine forest, miles and miles of nothing but nature, passing only 2 other vehicles on the 80kilometers of remote road. So invigorating! This was among the top 3 backwoods drives I've been on--and the best of our New Zealand tour! </span>We arrived at our place in Opotiki (Turihanga) just in time to unload our things and take the short walk to the beach for a gorgeous sunset…so good! An all around joyous day of travel.<span style="font-size: 12px; text-align: center;"><img border="0" height="360" src="https://3.bp.blogspot.com/-DnCDJevW5Ks/Vx9Fd6O2k1I/AAAAAAAAciQ/rbECOKRicCYiAzKYtFClneD0cUNH-v8MwCK4B/s640/IMAG1675.jpg" style="text-align: center;" width="640" /></span><br />
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The next day was a chill one--morning on the beach building sand castles and drawing in the sand, a few hours in town to tend to errands and check out the local flavor, yummy pizzas made by Andres while listening to cheesy music, then back to the beach to take in another beautiful sunset. While we watched the light show, Kavi asked us to "make a house" and a road for his trucks--something he picked up in Mahia, watching the kids there building large shelters on the beach. It was a perfect closing to a lovely family day. A short and sweet visit in Opotiki.<br />
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Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02884285325185323535noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3202171299821392235.post-72116394533608658332016-04-01T01:57:00.003-07:002016-04-07T13:14:44.821-07:00A Favorite Spot--Tale of New Zealand Finally Begins (though it's starting somewhere in the middle)!<br />
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Whoa. We've been in New Zealand for two months now--2/3 of the journey complete. It's been a lovely one with much ground covered and many beaches explored. I've been working on a blog post for the past six weeks, one that tells of our travels from the first day, in detail. As the days scroll by, my daily log grows. It's gotten REALLY long! So has the ongoing blog post. And now that I'm realizing that post is feeling like an overdue term paper, I'm changing tactics. So that this documenting actually takes place, I'm going to keep it to pics, highlights and Kavi cutenesses. I'll trust that these things will be enough to jog my memories and bring me smiles decades from now when I'm traveling memory lane.<br />
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Two towns and about one week ago found us in Mahia, on the east coast of the north island. Small, remote and abundant in beauty and magic. We had only two days to spend there and we filled them with exploration that fueled our desire and intention to return...<br />
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The view from our lodging at "<a href="https://www.airbnb.co.nz/rooms/9531903">Sanctuary</a>", where we were hosted by Lorna & Dean. They welcomed us warmly, shared much history of the land and people, suggestions on where to explore locally and an invitation to return for a longer stay in the future. We plan to take them up on it!<br />
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Mahia Beach, a 3 minute drive from our lodging.<br />
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Andres & Kavi getting a little work done.</div>
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Then a little play time before heading home.</div>
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Day 2 in Mahia, we checked out the local Farmer's Market, which turned out to be much more hoping' than I would have thought. We purchased the best broccoli in New Zealand and met some really sweet farmers and a family of <a href="https://www.airbnb.co.nz/rooms/9531903">wwoofers</a> from CA, who offered for us to visit them on their farm this summer. Since we'll likely be on the road for much of the year and also looking for community/home, I'm hoping to spend at least a few days with them.<br />
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After market, we took a short drive to <a href="http://www.doc.govt.nz/parks-and-recreation/places-to-go/east-coast/places/mahia-peninsula-scenic-reserve/things-to-do/mahia-peninsula-scenic-reserve-track/">Mahia Scenic Reserve</a>, where we did a little bush walk. About an hour and a half of tramping (that's what the Kiwis call hiking), took us through some amazing vegetation, across and along a small stream where we picnicked and...<br />
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up close and personal with some tiny mushroom forests.</div>
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Little Fairy cities!</div>
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Fungus flower</div>
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Lush ceiling</div>
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<span style="text-align: center;">Though Kavi slept for more than half the hike on my back, once he woke he was ready for action! He led the way, pointing out plants and the stream (repeatedly) and any slippery spots he thought we should know about. This was the longest he hiked without asking to be carried and some of the most uneven and varied terrain he's managed on his own. Mama and papa were proud! </span><br />
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<span style="text-align: center;">After our rainforest exploration, we ended up on the beach building sand castles, throwing rocks and basking in the sun. When we'd had our fill of salty waves and sandy britches, we set off for one more adventure. Driving south along the peninsula, we were graced with stunning and unusual scenery.</span></div>
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Layers of mountains all around us and a strange cratered shoreline. Time to stop and investigate!<img border="0" height="360" src="https://3.bp.blogspot.com/-kIUEGaoZASU/Vvz-jefEPgI/AAAAAAAAZ-s/EuBqeVcQBlwlHzYcGr6hxw7j4qlUIIM0A/s640/IMAG1606.jpg" width="640" /></div>
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The surface was smooth and hard, a silty mud that somehow wasn't mushy when wet and had taken on many forms and textures over the span of the beach.</div>
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A great place for driving trucks! :-)</div>
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I don't wanna go!! But alas, the sun was setting and it was time to return to the Sanctuary for a yummy meal, a shower and a deep rest to fuel us for the next day's journey.</div>
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Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02884285325185323535noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3202171299821392235.post-28392164258313382502015-06-08T12:39:00.001-07:002015-06-08T13:31:39.264-07:00One Year of Love!<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: left; margin-right: 1em; text-align: left;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-rWM48PA_JOQ/VXE0TWQSf6I/AAAAAAAAOHE/5lbAheFX2nY/s1600/Kavi%2BVayu1.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="180" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-rWM48PA_JOQ/VXE0TWQSf6I/AAAAAAAAOHE/5lbAheFX2nY/s320/Kavi%2BVayu1.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Fresh Prince--newborn Kavi</td></tr>
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It happened. I blinked and suddenly my little guy turned 1 year old! It has been quite the journey of love, confusion, frustration, delight, anger, and awe. So much learning, so little knowing. Each day feels fraught with contrast...the blessing of witnessing this being grow and thrive juxtaposed with feeling taxed by being ever-present to another's needs, demands and processes. The knowing that down the road I will romanticize this time and perhaps even long for it while in this moment I <br />
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Our lil big guy--1yr Kavi</td></tr>
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might be wondering when the hell it will end and dreaming of a future time! Loving being so connected to another while longing for freedom. Acknowledging that I called this in and appreciating the gift while wondering what life would have been like had that prayer not been answered. And ultimately, beneath it all, knowing that birthing (and mama-ing) Kavi is the most profound experience in my life thus far and that our connection will continue to shape me in countless ways for years to come. Some I'll enjoy, some I won't. And I'll always love him. Deeply.<br />
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So here's a little of what's gone on in his world since my last post...<br />
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The main announcement--<a href="https://youtu.be/5GJY4-kWpZk?list=PLIoJ6lD5duJ-YPPu_bCnt0q8h57QmqtTi" target="_blank">Kavi is walking</a>!! On April 27th, while visiting with friends, Kavi was motivated by a desire to play with Selim (a 5yr old boy) and he took two solid steps towards him before plopping on his bum. A little later that day, he took 6 steps towards Jolana, Selim's mama, trying to get a toy she was holding. He seemed so proud of himself and we were all beaming and cheering! It was a proud mama moment, indeed. Since that day, he has had much practice and is now a pretty skilled (and fast!) walker, falling mostly when he is tired or distracted. He is so adept in his little round body--<a href="https://youtu.be/U3VWJixy3mo?list=PLIoJ6lD5duJ-YPPu_bCnt0q8h57QmqtTi" target="_blank">climbing up and down stairs</a>, getting into and out of little kiddie cars, walking in sand and bouncing around to music in his version of dancing. It's all quite amusing and amazing to me.<br />
<br />
<a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-6MVjS1nsCBo/VXKH15vvsqI/AAAAAAAAOOo/4EjHMdiG5DI/s1600/20150529_170253.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-6MVjS1nsCBo/VXKH15vvsqI/AAAAAAAAOOo/4EjHMdiG5DI/s320/20150529_170253.jpg" width="240" /></a>The next big announcement--and a follow up to previous posts--he is sleeping!! Ahhhhhhh. For several weeks I had been "sleep training" Kavi to help him learn he could get himself back to sleep when going through natural sleep cycles at night. I did so much reading and talking to other parents and even got a consultation through <a href="https://www.babysleepsite.com/" target="_blank">The Baby Sleep Site</a> (they were great!). My desire was to continue having him co-sleep and to use as gentle a method as possible to get him sleeping through the night (at the hardest point he was was waking every 60-90 minutes and sometimes up for an hour or two in the middle of the night). In the end, he went into a crib (which has been better for all 3 of us, it seems) and we used a version of the <a href="http://www.babycenter.com/0_baby-sleep-training-cry-it-out-methods_1497112.bc" target="_blank">Cry-It-Out</a> (CIO) method of sleep training, a method I often heard was highly successful, and one I didn't think I could engage. After almost 8 weeks of gentler solutions, there was little progress. Those methods just didn't work with Kavi's temperament. In trying CIO, there were big shifts in only 3 nights! And now the little dude sleeps from 7:30pm til 6am with only one <a href="http://www.babysleepsite.com/sleep-training/dream-feed/" target="_blank">dream feed</a> around 1030pm, just before I go to bed. Now and then he wakes sometime between 3-5am, but typically gives only a short cry or two and then right back to sleep. So amazing! Really, it baffles me still. Now that it's been a few weeks of successful sleeping, we're starting to work on getting better naps. Funny how it's an entirely separate training for the same action, just a different time of day. And now I feel more confident that day sleeping can improve and we will all benefit from that training as well. <br />
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<a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-ki_d71jsSGE/VXKHkYtILwI/AAAAAAAAOOQ/R7YgCJezgLo/s1600/IMG_1570.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-ki_d71jsSGE/VXKHkYtILwI/AAAAAAAAOOQ/R7YgCJezgLo/s320/IMG_1570.JPG" width="239" /></a>In the world of communication, Kavi is likely making more advancements than what we're picking up on. <a href="https://youtu.be/4HemgFK4cf4?list=PLIoJ6lD5duJ-YPPu_bCnt0q8h57QmqtTi" target="_blank">He is chatting away</a> much of the time and generates an expansive array of sounds, tones, frequencies and emotion. He's so expressive! He very clearly says the words "hot", "byebye" (with a cute little backwards wave), "wow", "gentle", "this", and we're fairly certain we've heard him say "thank you", "Ember" and "ok". And there have been countless experiences of him responding vocally to something said with what sounds like an appropriate comeback. So many times I've had folks ask, "did he just say...?" And every time I thought I heard the same thing they did. About a week ago, Kavi and I attended an intro sign language class where we learned many words and some songs to help anchor them. Since then, I've been using sign much more regularly than I was prior. I haven't noticed him using new signs yet, though I have noticed him noticing me signing. :-) Other than that, he has been expressing himself more adamantly around things he wants/doesn't want as well as expressing more affection through hugs, kisses and cuddles. The first hug he granted was to our friend Jens, who was over for a brief visit and has only hung out with Kavi a brief bit. As Jens was about to leave, Kavi went over to where he was sitting on the floor and gave him a hug. It was pretty tender and everyone in the room was touched. Since then, he regularly hugs me, his papa, his friend Ruby, and the little dog, Lila, who lives with us (also a very cute sight!).<br />
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Ruby & Kavi</td></tr>
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Our days are filled with lots of play--near daily <a href="https://youtu.be/8LTWKC3mhxE?list=PLIoJ6lD5duJ-YPPu_bCnt0q8h57QmqtTi" target="_blank">trips to the playground</a>, a playgroup or play date with <span id="goog_1595812342"></span>a friend. His closest buddy has become Ruby, an almost 14 month old girl who gives Kavi lots of hugs. We hang out with Ruby and her mom, Alicia several times a week. Alicia has a friend, Will, who plays <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tabla" target="_blank">tabla</a>. Will recently started giving Ruby her first music lessons by coming over to play for 30 minutes or so while she listens, dances and sometimes taps on the drums. Alicia invited Kavi to join in and he was so entranced that first lesson! <a href="https://youtu.be/VpSdyYmqb4Y?list=PLIoJ6lD5duJ-YPPu_bCnt0q8h57QmqtTi" target="_blank">He stared mesmerized</a>, wiggled his body a bit, crawled over to touch and bang on the drums, then tried to climb on top of them. :-)<br />
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Kavi is also newly in childcare! He spends 4 hours twice a week with 2yr old Austen and his nanny, Meagan. It's going great! From the start, he had no issues with me leaving and was even chill when I came to pick him up. In fact, on the first day when I picked him up to go, I was getting a little download about the day from Meagan and Kavi squawked at me to let him down to play some more! And some days as soon as we walk into the house, he is squiggling to get out of my arms to play. So good. Austen seems to be enjoying Kavi as he asks about him every day and points to the highchair Kavi uses and says, "Kavi chair". Kavi does well with Austen, too, though he is mainly interested in all the toys. I'm noticing his age group isn't quite into the interactive play (or not much of it), And I feel he is getting so many benefits from being with an older child he can learn from and in having the experience of not being the only one being served. And all the things he struggles/fights at home (highchair, nap, carseat, etc), he engages with ease when he's with Meagan. While it's hard to swallow that he gives us such trouble (I know, it's natural), I am pleased that he is so well adjusted while out and about in the world!!<br />
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We've had a couple of adventures beyond the bay in the past couple of months. Mid-April we flew to Ventura, CA for a few days for a commissioned project with the <a href="https://www.facebook.com/visitventura/timeline" target="_blank">Ventura Tourism Board</a>. Andres created a couple art pieces, facilitated a workshop and a community art making day. We were warmly welcomed and enjoyed the downtown and all the time on the beach (complete with a playground!). We had such a sweet family time together going through shops, checking out the street fair, eating yummy food (especially our last meal at a quirky Mexican restaurant where <a href="https://youtu.be/r5z-TjY4FiQ?list=PLIoJ6lD5duJ-YPPu_bCnt0q8h57QmqtTi" target="_blank">Kavi was in rare form </a>crawling around on the table and talking to the wall paper).<br />
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<a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-IHLMUTqGGC4/VXE1QjTzAuI/AAAAAAAAOI0/OV78Iq5tQ5c/s1600/IMG_0778.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-IHLMUTqGGC4/VXE1QjTzAuI/AAAAAAAAOI0/OV78Iq5tQ5c/s320/IMG_0778.JPG" width="320" /></a>A couple weeks after this trip, we visited Laughing Heart, the land we were living on up near Grass Valley prior to our move to Fairfax. It was such a great visit with many
friends, the Yuba River, staying in the building Kavi was born in and
soaking up the beautiful land that feels like home to us. The best piece
for me was feeling such strong community with so many people
around...it really allowed for an easeful flow and everyone's needs
being met. Especially the day 11 year old Luna had 3 friends over for
the day, all of whom were loving time with Kavi! This allowed me to
spend time in the garden, help with chores on the land and connect
undistractedly with my friends. So good! My favorite moment from
that day involved Kavi. Luna was letting him play with a <a href="https://youtu.be/-hBSnWKx8o4?list=PLIoJ6lD5duJ-YPPu_bCnt0q8h57QmqtTi" target="_blank">5 gallon bucket filled with water</a> and at some point, put him fully in it. He was splashing around with a wooden spoon and would slowly bend his knees til he was covered up to his chin, exclaiming "oh oh oh". Several of us hung out watching him play in the bucket for at least 20 minutes. It was pretty adorable. <br />
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Laughing Heart Family</td></tr>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Bubble magic with Yuba</td></tr>
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<a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-cQWaffh7Dxk/VXKKwAsj9JI/AAAAAAAAOOw/t58J-IPCOeE/s1600/IMG_1608.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="238" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-cQWaffh7Dxk/VXKKwAsj9JI/AAAAAAAAOOw/t58J-IPCOeE/s320/IMG_1608.JPG" width="320" /></a>The weekend prior to Kavi's bday, the Laughing Heart family came to visit us--all 6 of them!! And what a fun, joyous, heart connected weekend it was. We spent time on the beach, hung at the playground, hiked at a favorite spot, made amazing meals, and celebrated Kavi's birthday. Everyone in the house really enjoyed one another including the handful of additional guests that were in and out over the weekend. On Kavi's birthday, Luna & I took a long walk in town while Kavi napped on her back and when he woke, we headed straight to the playground. After awhile, the rest of the family trickled in to play, followed by our dear friend Dev, who was also spending the weekend with us. The playground was so much fun with so many dear ones there! And just as we were readying to leave, Yuba (a housemate) and Mirabel (his 3 month old daughter) showed up with a surprise--big bubbles!! Yuba set up a little station and within minutes
had the attention of everyone on the playground! He wowed the kids by
catching little bubbles inside big bubbles and won them fully over when
he invited them to make bubbles too! It brought a touch of magic and
made it all feel like more of a celebration. After this, we all headed
home to decorate the house (thank you, Luna & Tule!) and grill up a
delectable meal (thank you Andres! and all the sous chefs, too). The
kids all played in the pool til food was ready, then we gathered on the
deck, circled up around the table and had a family style meal, plucking
foods right off the serving dishes. Next came the sweetest part. As I
wasn't yet ready to deal with a sugar frenzy, Kavi's birthday "cake" was
a watermelon slice (his first!) topped with blueberries circling a
single candle. <a href="https://youtu.be/gMbpOF6VmZY?list=PLrDGvrFy8evXj7K1lr4k-RUG-e-RCBe6u" target="_blank">Everyone sang to him</a> as he watched the candle flame flicker with a curious and excited look on his face. He seemed to be really taking in that everyone was honoring him. It was a special moment for me. After this was more pool time (which Kavi also loved), splashing and lounging around. Too quickly the day was ending and Andres & I began Kavi's bedtime routine. After dinner, a little play and shower, the 3 of us spent a few minutes together in our bedroom. Kavi played a bit more while Andres & I shared what we felt was the best part of our day, something that has become our nightly ritual. On this day, there was much to appreciate not only from the day, but also calling up memories from one year prior when Kavi was on his way into this world. Hard to believe a year had passed since our big birthing journey together in the roundhouse. What a potent time for our family! <br />
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Random Kavi cutenesses:<br />
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~Kavi is beginning to take an interest in looking through books, not just chewing on them. Now and then we'll snuggle up and look at a couple of books together, with him
turning several chunky pages at a time and delighting at the images. Often it is for only a moment before turning another set of pages or closing the book altogether. His biggest interest in books at the moment, though, seems to be taking them all off of the shelves! <br />
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~He's recently gotten into playing the piano, requesting to bang away nearly every day, especially after the day <a href="https://youtu.be/x3i8QEpvACs?list=PLIoJ6lD5duJ-YPPu_bCnt0q8h57QmqtTi" target="_blank">Sarah sat for a whole session of playing and singing with him</a>! <br />
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<a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-o2rK5_q8oBw/VXKHrCAtlxI/AAAAAAAAOOc/pmmkBS95vG0/s1600/IMG_1349.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="239" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-o2rK5_q8oBw/VXKHrCAtlxI/AAAAAAAAOOc/pmmkBS95vG0/s320/IMG_1349.JPG" width="320" /></a>~For a moment, we thought Kavi was a beer lover. One day, after much squawking from Kavi, Andres gave him a little sip, after which Kavi became insistent that papa give him the bottle. Andres kept moving
the bottle to other spots and trying to distract Kavi with berries, but
he kept pointing at wherever the bottle ended up. There was some
screeching involved. After Andres finished the beer, he gave the bottle
to Kavi, who tipped it back repeatedly to recover any last drops. <a href="https://youtu.be/J-JFZR5HNV8?list=PLIoJ6lD5duJ-YPPu_bCnt0q8h57QmqtTi" target="_blank">He played with that bottle </a>for another 10 minutes and we couldn't lure him outside to play! I was convinced he was going to be a little fiend when he saw a beer from then on. A few days later, as an experiment, papa gave him a sip of beer again and Kavi spit it out, with a disgusted look on his face. Turns out, it was just the bottle he was crazy for. And still is.<br />
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<a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-S5P4ZaBzpHA/VXE1RlVqPRI/AAAAAAAAOIk/8kMTtmjozDM/s1600/IMG_8239-001.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="133" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-S5P4ZaBzpHA/VXE1RlVqPRI/AAAAAAAAOIk/8kMTtmjozDM/s200/IMG_8239-001.jpg" width="200" /></a>~There is a statue of a seated Buddha atop a big step in our home and Kavi often sits with it, tapping its head or pushing it around. One day, he had a dust rag and went over and began cleaning the Buddha. Good thing he keeps it clean as papa likes to put berries atop its head for Kavi to find.<br />
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~A few mornings ago, the 3 of us were hanging out in our room and Kavi
was in a playful mood. He was walking round and round and suddenly began
practicing making sharp turns, arm raised, looking somewhat like a matador. Each time he did, he would fall down.
Then back up again, walk walk walk-sharp turn! At some point, he was
able to do the maneuver without falling down. Once he got it, he began <a href="https://youtu.be/dmy20IjR2Ug?list=PLIoJ6lD5duJ-YPPu_bCnt0q8h57QmqtTi" target="_blank">spinning in full circles, </a>which he's been practicing a bit every day since. It's quite entertaining! <br />
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<a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-6Pk-I6qVzMI/VXE1QQa-1iI/AAAAAAAAOH8/SZmFRXy3VSo/s1600/DSC08657.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="133" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-6Pk-I6qVzMI/VXE1QQa-1iI/AAAAAAAAOH8/SZmFRXy3VSo/s200/DSC08657.JPG" width="200" /></a>~Kavi often hangs out in the kitchen with papa while he cooks and he typically gets into the cupboards and crashes around in the pots and pans. One day he was
uninterested in his usual explorations, so papa opened up a large, deep
drawer that we keep food in. <a href="https://youtu.be/27puufvDWqY?list=PLIoJ6lD5duJ-YPPu_bCnt0q8h57QmqtTi" target="_blank">Kavi began taking things out</a> and eventually climbed in the drawer, sitting atop and playing with all the goodies. He was quite entertained.<br />
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~Kavi loves our local Farmer's Market! It's a weekly affair and is a sweet, social, family fun scene beneath the redwood trees in a downtown park. Even when we don't need supplies, I make it a point to take Kavi just to witness his antics: dancing to the live music, begging food off the picnickers, running round to all the booths and looking for interesting items to abscond. It's my current favorite place to take him! <br />
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~He is beginning to help with the getting dressed process. I call out "right arm" and "left arm" as I put his sleeves on and he puts his arms through. Often he is playing with some object while we dress him and he's now learned when we say "switch hands" to put the object in his other hand so that he can put his arm through the sleeve. He'll even do this while he's squawking about the process even happening!<br />
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~Check out <a href="https://youtu.be/lFEc4j0N3nk?list=PLIoJ6lD5duJ-YPPu_bCnt0q8h57QmqtTi" target="_blank">ninja Kavi</a><br />
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Testing the soil</td></tr>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Farmer Kavi</td></tr>
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~Kavi seems to enjoy putzing around in the garden with us. He loves being outside and when we're in our own yard, it's his chance to run around naked in the sun! He has watched us weed, amend the soil, plant, water and harvest. While we do our chores, he wanders around til he finds a little stick and a spot in one of the garden beds and does his own version of gardening. It's super cute!!<br />
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~We've been having some really great days together--particularly when we're outside and with others. This past Friday was particularly sweet. We had a little playgroup at our house in the morning and a <br />
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friend Kavi rarely sees showed up. They had a so-so time playing together until the last 15 minutes or so of play when they found their groove. That's when they began jumping around, playing "froggie". They were laughing joyously while falling over, bumping each other and being raucous. Seems they needed some rough housing! Later that afternoon, we met up with some friends in town and all walked to the park together. Kavi insisted on walking and wouldn't even let me hold his hand! He was strutting down the street with such a smile (and getting lots of attention!). Once at the park, Kavi went straight over to two guys playing their guitars. He stared for a moment or two, then began strumming on one of the guitars. He hung out in that spot for 10 minutes or so, <a href="https://youtu.be/YP0xD6fxA4E">strumming and pounding on the guitar</a>, dancing and watching the two play. Xander, the 4yr old boy we were hanging with, was taking pictures of the scene and his 9month brother, Leo was dancing away. Then the scene shifted--Kavi ran off and he and Xander chased each other around the park. They got into some real roughhousing. The roughest I've seen Kavi play yet. And he was soaking it up! some of their play had me cringing, yet Kavi was laughing and going in for more. Seems this part of him was really needing to be explored! Oh, the things a 4yr old can teach us. We played in the park for awhile, then walked the family home, since all the boys were appreciating each others company so much. Saskia, the boys' mama, made us all dinner while I played with the boys. Xander wanted to give us a tour of the house and show us a few of his toys. Kavi got really into playing on their keyboard (he's been gravitating to musical instruments a lot!). Then all 3 of them got into more group play...mostly Xander roughhousing the two young'uns. And again, they were all delighted. After dinner, we walked home tired and filled up by a day of connection and laughter.<br />
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~I had an "a-ha!" moment while watching Kavi explore a couple days ago. He was moving from one object to the next, checking out whatever he touched, the people around him, the ground beneath his feet. And all the while was so expressive! Sometimes appearing happy, then frustrated, then determined, then... And as has crossed my mind many times, I thought, "babies are crazy!". To me they often appear to be little drunk people, following every impulse with little continuity and often looking irrational. Then I thought about it in another way. While his behavior (and babies/kids in general), can appear erratic, it speaks in part to how in touch he is with his internal world. He feels, then he expresses. There are no barriers. And though I often don't understand what he is communicating, he is very clear. Immediately sharing what is going on for him, what he wants, needs, desires. Potent wisdom from Guru Kavi. :-)<br />
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Such a water baby!</td></tr>
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There are so many more moments to share about Kavi's rich, expanding world, but I'll leave it there for now. Thank you, Kavi, for all the growth, love, learning and magic. <br />
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Check out <a href="https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLIoJ6lD5duJ-YPPu_bCnt0q8h57QmqtTi" target="_blank">more video here</a>. And <a href="https://plus.google.com/photos/114653936245574432875/albums/6078112536312843585?banner=pwa&authkey=CJ6XhpC7h-bfrgE" target="_blank">more photos here</a>!
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02884285325185323535noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3202171299821392235.post-47388617594606164752015-04-07T22:12:00.003-07:002015-04-07T22:28:03.325-07:00Tears in the Dark<br />
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I write this as my baby cries from his crib in the room above me. It's well past his bedtime, but he awoke 45 minutes into his first slumber. As he does most nights. And now he's been crying more on than off for the past hour and a half. Because we're trying something different tonight. I go in and console him for 3 minutes, then leave the room for first 5, then 10, now 15 minute intervals, returning to check on and console him for the 3 minutes in between each round. Before tonight, I would be sitting next to him, singing and shushing and patting his back--anywhere from 5 minutes to two and a half hours--while he fusses and cries and tosses and turns til he finds his way to sleep. And this method of staying with him doesn't seem to progressing us in the path to Kavi becoming a self-sufficient sleeper. And at the moment, this is my top desire. Well, second to me having stretches of sleep longer than two hours, but the two are pretty intertwined.<br />
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For me, the cumulative effect of insufficient sleep has found its stronghold. Naps and going to bed early merely help me to keep it together, rather than offering real rejuvenation. It's just too many nightly wake-ups for my body to handle. So here I am "sleep training" my lil guy rather than having him snuggle me each night and nurse whenever he chooses. Which is what we would both rather be doing. But my daytime edgy-moody-grumpy mama-ness isn't working out for our family. Nor is my nighttime silent rage when he has been awake more than asleep in the middle of the night. So now we sleep train. A difficult choice. Funny, but a couple nights ago when I was ready to throw Kavi out the window for screaming at my head for so long, I wouldn't have thought letting him cry for 15 minutes with me out of the room would feel so heart-wrenching. It does. Rumor has it that this method produces quick results and within a few nights he could be going to sleep with ease. That the first night or two are really tough, but then there are big shifts. Positive shifts. I'm praying for that to be our reality. And sending prayers out to all you mamas facing whatever mama trials in your path. May you find growth, peace and expansion in your heart through whatever your babe is teaching you. Time for me to go in and console him again.Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02884285325185323535noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3202171299821392235.post-65599827309134811602015-04-06T00:07:00.001-07:002015-04-06T22:43:01.646-07:00Braggin' on Kavi<br />
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It's been a month full of movement and change since last I wrote.On the home front, we moved to our <span id="goog_817829813"></span><span id="goog_817829814"></span>new place in Fairfax, visited the land we were living on to collect our things and love up our northern<span id="goog_817829785"></span><span id="goog_817829786"></span> friends (so bittersweet!), and about a week ago, moved into our "permanent" bedroom from the guest space we were staying in. Oh, and yesterday we welcomed in our final housemate and his sweet little dog. It feels good to be settling in and for the household to be coming together. Integration is beginning to happen and a sense of this being a community seeping in around the edges. I feel excited about this...for myself and for what this means for our little family. I'm curious to see how we grow and thrive in this community. <br />
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In the time since we've been here, Kavi has changed so much! His new skills include clapping, passing objects back and forth, reaching out to be held (and asking to be passed back and forth between people), and what I've called action/reverse action: <a href="https://youtu.be/WWltq5T5L1Q?list=PLIoJ6lD5duJ-YPPu_bCnt0q8h57QmqtTi" target="_blank">taking something out/off</a>, then putting it back in/on. He continues to get quicker and more adept and his crawling and maneuvering about...including on the stairs! He now holds onto the rail, puts his foot on the stair and takes a full step up, rather than crawling up on hands and knees. Lately, he wants us to hold his hands and assist him up, rather than using the rail. It's amazing how strong his legs are and how many stairs he can climb! And just today he successfully made his way down the whole flight of stairs without help. He seems to be close to taking his first steps as he is often "asking" to be walked around, as well as <a href="https://youtu.be/23Zqv1xQuSc?list=PLIoJ6lD5duJ-YPPu_bCnt0q8h57QmqtTi" target="_blank">pushing objects around the room</a> to assist him in walking and on occasion, he lets go of whatever he is holding onto and stands unassisted for a few moments.<br />
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Andres & Kavi returning home from a trip to town</td></tr>
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While we haven't been to the beach much lately, we have been spending lots of time outdoors...tending our own land, checking out nearby trails, enjoying the beautiful walk to town (330 stairs included!) and discovering the local playground, where Kavi has now become a regular. It's been so fun to see him having more regular interactions with other kids and to see his solo explorations in a new environment. Initially, he stuck to crawling around in the sand and checking out the <a href="https://youtu.be/HL2BLQmV_yA?list=PLIoJ6lD5duJ-YPPu_bCnt0q8h57QmqtTi" target="_blank">various wheeled toys</a> of all sizes that are kept in the play area. After a few visits, he began noticing the play structures and climbing whatever he's able--he tries to climb up the slide nearly every visit. <br />
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Photo by Jonathan-Clark.com</td></tr>
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On the <a href="https://youtu.be/AXVVHmSh8cc?list=PLIoJ6lD5duJ-YPPu_bCnt0q8h57QmqtTi" target="_blank">communication front</a>, he is as chatty as ever, with new sounds continuing to emerge with some frequency. And he appears to enjoy screaming! A few weeks ago, he & I were grocery shopping and I grabbed some raspberries so I could offer him a snack. He gobbled up the first one and when I opened the box to get him another, he let loose with an ear-splitting squeal. Apparently, he liked this snack and I wasn't moving quickly enough with the follow up. Oy! And I admit, while I was surprised by the intensity of his reaction, I was also tickled by it. The boy has some healthy lungs and he knows what he likes! I'm not quite as fond of the screaming communication when it's coming from a place of displeasure/disappointment/disdain. Like when he's shouting "mom-mom-mom" in the middle of the night, insisting to be fed even though he ate only an hour prior. Double oy!! Still, I do appreciate his growing ability to express what he wants and needs. A couple of fun new communications from this past week: his first wave! He waved hello to our housemate, Sarah and since then has waved to a few random folks. And just today was a moment that brought me much pride and many smiles between the two of us. As Kavi & I were getting out of bed this morning, he was doing a little grunting, meaning a poop was likely on it's way. Yep, I'm writing about my kid pooping. This is where we are now. :-) Anyhoo, I asked him if he was pooping, while making the sign for it. He just looked at me. I told him I was taking him to the toilet. I took him in, held him over the toilet and did our cue for poop. He began grabbing at his fingers and pulling them apart. He was attempting to make the sign for "pooping"!! I said "pooping?" and he continued to make the sign and smile, then began to poop! He appeared to be so proud of this, making the sign over and over and smiling so big! This now has me jazzed to get more proactive on the sign language, especially seeing how happy it made him!! <br />
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Photo by Jonathan-Clark.com</td></tr>
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Another thing that has been bringing Kavi happiness is food! He has gotten more into <a href="https://youtu.be/-_aiOf8uTos?list=PLIoJ6lD5duJ-YPPu_bCnt0q8h57QmqtTi" target="_blank">feeding himself </a>and seems to prefer eating what we are eating, when we will share it. New foods he's tried this past month include lemon (he devoured a wedge!), miner's lettuce, asparagus, Brussels sprouts, cheese, chicken (he went nutso for it!), lamb, rice cracker, a teething cookie, blueberries, strawberries and <a href="https://youtu.be/5z6E7X5Xmik?list=PLIoJ6lD5duJ-YPPu_bCnt0q8h57QmqtTi" target="_blank">little nibbles of papa's foot</a>. His solid food diet is mainly made up of veggies and lately when Andres makes meals, he adds nut butter and avocado to everything to be sure Kavi is getting lots of good fat. This was in response to my concern that he might be hungry at night as I'm pulling back on night nursings. Since bulking up his diet (while decreasing nursing), he seems to have put on a couple pounds, so I'm no longer concerned that he isn't getting enough! Boy that little guy has gotten heavy! Of course, he still proclaims he is SO hungry whenever he wakes. We're still working (slowly and somewhat painfully) at getting him to fall asleep of his own accord when he wakes at night--as he is still waking about 8 times a night. I am dreaming of the night that I will sleep more than a 3 hour stretch!! Oh mamas (and papas) of the world, I bow down to you for the role you play in being ever-present to the needs and desires of another. Now that I am among you, I feel what an all-encompassing experience this is, with many challenges at every turn. And for me, like many, those are felt so much more when sleep is less.<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-WYqDRg8rDKM/VSIsTZTR88I/AAAAAAAAMZI/fsuKrucn4Gg/s1600/IMG_6893_der.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-WYqDRg8rDKM/VSIsTZTR88I/AAAAAAAAMZI/fsuKrucn4Gg/s1600/IMG_6893_der.jpg" height="213" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Photo by Jonathan-Clark.com</td></tr>
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Speaking of sleep, it's about time for some now. I will leave this blog with one of the many lessons I've learned from my time with Kavi (I've got to start writing them down sooner, as I forget them all by the time I get around to writing here!). It's on the topic of communication, which has come up much in this post. It's so much of what we're figuring out together. I've been noticing how agitated I get when Kavi is communicating in a whiny manner--especially if I'm feeling sleep deprived. In the past few days I've been thinking more about this because the level of irritation that comes up for me feels bad. It sometimes feels so big, I want to run away. I often wonder, where did he pick up this whinyness? How is it that he's so loud? Where is he learning some of these communication behaviors that I don't think Andres or I exhibit? Hhmmmmm. And perhaps we are. Even if in more subtle ways. He's got me noticing ways I communicate that I hadn't picked up on before. Spaces of not being clear, or clean or fully honest with my communication. Carrying an energy of martyr, passive aggresiveness, manipulation, or anything other than identifying the truth of what I'm feeling and expressing authentically from that place. I'm hoping that in this discovery, I will begin to gently unwind whatever patterning I recognize in myself and find more compassion in whatever is coming through Kavi, releasing judgment of us both. And may I be able to do this even when I've only slept a handful of interrupted hours. Being a mama is going to make me a master some day, yes? Seems possible. But only if I go to bed now. Good night. <br />
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Check out <a href="https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLIoJ6lD5duJ-YPPu_bCnt0q8h57QmqtTi" target="_blank">more video here</a>. And <a href="https://plus.google.com/photos/114653936245574432875/albums/6078112536312843585?banner=pwa&authkey=CJ6XhpC7h-bfrgE" target="_blank">more photos here</a>! Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02884285325185323535noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3202171299821392235.post-19505687011426434582015-02-26T14:32:00.000-08:002015-02-26T20:58:48.551-08:00Where we've been, where we're going<span id="docs-internal-guid-9fdd23ae-b4f1-59e5-8f3b-4d10c7ecd44b" style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: Arial; font-size: 13px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;"></span><br />
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Here we are, coming up on the next bend in the river! We have one week left living in our <a href="http://youtu.be/XNKUo3epeNY?list=PLrDGvrFy8evXj7K1lr4k-RUG-e-RCBe6u" target="_blank">cozy beach cottage in Stinson Beach</a>. We have loved and appreciated our time here, so steeped in nature and beauty. And our family has grown so much. Having such easy access to the beach has offered each of us something special. For Andres, a clean canvas to step onto and
explore new ideas. He has had almost daily inspirations around <a href="https://www.facebook.com/AndresAmadorArts" target="_blank">his art</a>! For Kavi, an opportunity to <a href="http://youtu.be/bE1gSsYL39k?list=PLIoJ6lD5duJ-YPPu_bCnt0q8h57QmqtTi" target="_blank">play in the sand</a> and explore all the exciting and <a href="http://youtu.be/2sSc5QMJVj0?list=PLrDGvrFy8evXj7K1lr4k-RUG-e-RCBe6u" target="_blank">tasty treasures</a>. For me, stepping outside to listen to and smell the ocean during internal explorations. A delicious reset to relaxation, a reminder of how I want my life to feel.<br />
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Something I've been doing with Kavi lately is taking long, deep breaths. Inhaling through the nose and a long, audible "ahhhhhhhhhhh" on the exhale. Typically within a couple breaths, he takes notice. He'll smile, and after my exhale will mimic with his own giggly "ahhhhhhhhh". If I do this when he is upset, it takes him a bit longer to tune in. When he does, he gives a pained, somewhat whiny "ehhhhhhhhh". And it seems to calm him just a bit. That's what it's like for me when I step outside our door. And when I'm upset, it takes me a bit longer to<a href="http://youtu.be/KN4ptEOSOXQ?list=PLrDGvrFy8evXj7K1lr4k-RUG-e-RCBe6u" target="_blank"> tune in</a>, but by the time I reach the beach (about a minute walk!), I am calmed just a bit. Kavi is ahead of me on this front as stepping outside instantly shifts his space! Of course, he is leading me in so many ways. More on that later. First, a little on what's next for us. <br />
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Our Laughing Heart nest</td></tr>
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Our intention after leaving Stinson was to head back to our sweet little nest at <a href="https://www.facebook.com/pages/Laughing-Heart-Living/264774486957204" target="_blank">Laughing Heart</a> up north. And to build a more solid structure this time round so in future winters we could be on the land more. For me, it felt like a given that this is what would be. I so love it up there...the land, the Laughing Heart family, the Yuba, so many dear friends, the greater community among many other treasures. There's so much there for me. And a place I feel excited for Kavi to learn and grow.<br />
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Alas, about a month ago a series of small moments over the course of a few days brought me to a <br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-qzeEzmCfSsE/VO-LmM5IiiI/AAAAAAAAMKg/FIjapTpSWYo/s1600/bearth%2Bplace.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-qzeEzmCfSsE/VO-LmM5IiiI/AAAAAAAAMKg/FIjapTpSWYo/s1600/bearth%2Bplace.jpg" height="213" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Roundhouse at Laughing Heart--Kavi was birthed in there!<br />
Thank you, LH family for holding our family so sweetly.</td></tr>
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place of questioning. I was asking myself what was bringing us back to the land. That was easy to answer (see above!). Yet there was a little internal nagging. In exploring the tug, and looking at all the pieces alive in our lives at the moment, I realized it doesn't make sense for us to return (just yet). In bringing this to Andres, it turns out he had been feeling the same. Spending the past four months living a stone's throw from the beach made it that much more evident how much our lives are currently entwined with mama Ocean, with she and her sandy shores providing an ever renewed canvas. After a few conversations looking at many factors, we decided what makes the most sense for our family is to live closer to that which is providing the platform for a way of being that feels vital to us. *deep inhale* *ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh* Even writing this tugs on my heart strings. It's a complex, bittersweet and tender decision we've come to and it feels as if it will shift the look of our lives in a big way. ~I love you deeply, Laughing Heart, and all that you hold. I know that our connection will remain and continue to blossom. May it be so.~<br />
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So where to now? Well, for as much as my heart feels heavy to walk away from so much I love, it is also full of excitement for the many things we are walking towards. The biggies in our new <br />
situation are 1) we're going back to Fairfax!! and 2) we're moving in with one of my dearest friends (Sarah), who 3) is in labor with her first baby as I write this!!!! What magic! I'm feeling so blessed to be stepping so easefully into a beautiful home in a beautiful place with an awesome group of people...and a brand new magical being!! What a blessing to live such abundant lives that we love where we've been, where we are, and where we're going. May I bring this piece into focus this week as we are packing, cleaning, tending the many projects currently in motion, all while ensuring lil' Lord Kavi is feeling heard/seen/held.<br />
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<b>~~~~~</b></div>
**UPDATE**<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-pP9dtcswl8s/VO-OSvXf8bI/AAAAAAAAMKs/37CZm5gqyeM/s1600/IMG_8111.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-pP9dtcswl8s/VO-OSvXf8bI/AAAAAAAAMKs/37CZm5gqyeM/s1600/IMG_8111.jpg" height="320" width="213" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Me & Sarah</td></tr>
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After finishing that last paragraph, I received a text from Sarah that things were moving along and that it was up to me if/when I decided to join the birth team. I packed right up and Kavi & I headed over there! About 20 hours later, we were blessed with the opportunity to support & witness the arrival of a beautiful, singing little girl on 2/24 at 3:38pm. Our newest community member has arrived!<br />
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<b>~~~~~</b></div>
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Now back to lil' Lord Kavi. What a multifaceted character he is! Today he is 9 months old and just as in between each of these posts, much has changed since last I wrote. He now has 8 visible teeth (though it seems a couple </div>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-nr-eX7-GfEU/VO9qhFPsjCI/AAAAAAAAMKE/KpKws3_YR_I/s1600/Super%2BKavi!.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-nr-eX7-GfEU/VO9qhFPsjCI/AAAAAAAAMKE/KpKws3_YR_I/s1600/Super%2BKavi!.jpg" height="213" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Super Kavi on location for Between Worlds project...<br />
at a private beach!</td></tr>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-X4cikAnLHfA/VO9m04nnrZI/AAAAAAAAMJw/vUNGmaRSstE/s1600/IMG_0289.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-X4cikAnLHfA/VO9m04nnrZI/AAAAAAAAMJw/vUNGmaRSstE/s1600/IMG_0289.JPG" height="240" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Papa & Kavi on a hike</td></tr>
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more may be coming in), is a master crawler, is beginning to take assisted steps (and is very pleased with this), is climbing up (rocks, short tables, a set of stairs!!, fireplace hearths) and maneuvering through (under tables, <a href="http://youtu.be/WG3NSNhr_kw?list=PLrDGvrFy8evXj7K1lr4k-RUG-e-RCBe6u" target="_blank">chairs</a>, obstacles we've set up for him) whatever he's able! His <a href="http://youtu.be/LNGrT_2aZgo?list=PLrDGvrFy8evXj7K1lr4k-RUG-e-RCBe6u" target="_blank">vocabulary</a> and repertoire of facial expressions is vastly expanding and ever generating awe, giggles and adults behaving completely silly. He has <a href="http://youtu.be/Yw28nBZ47N4?list=PLrDGvrFy8evXj7K1lr4k-RUG-e-RCBe6u" target="_blank">discovered his tongue and often sticks it half out while repeating the mantra "num num num" (insert mimicing adult(s) here)</a>. He still spends much of his time smiling, though is getting quite good at throwing a little tantrum, either throwing his body back with great force or launching forward and pounding his hands on the floor while shouting out. The latter is rather amusing when he does it on the beach--and comes up with a face full of sand! While he spends some time on his own in discovery, he appears to prefer company and warmly greets everyone (though lately he has been more aware of my presence and will fuss if he notices me leaving the room he's in). <a href="http://youtu.be/NSkxlY46xZc?list=PLrDGvrFy8evXj7K1lr4k-RUG-e-RCBe6u" target="_blank">He absolutely prefers to be outside!</a> He's become a pro at picking up every little thing he comes across and getting to know it through rolling it around in his mouth. His finger dexterity is rather impressive (at least to his mama). And I'm certain <a href="http://youtu.be/-T_alZUVOaw?list=PLrDGvrFy8evXj7K1lr4k-RUG-e-RCBe6u" target="_blank">he's clever</a> at problem solving beyond his months on the planet! Overall, he is already seeming more like a little boy than <a href="http://youtu.be/-T_alZUVOaw?list=PLrDGvrFy8evXj7K1lr4k-RUG-e-RCBe6u" target="_blank">a baby</a>. <br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-8zrSPG4GT24/VO9myho7YqI/AAAAAAAAMJg/5yx4SWDaHkM/s1600/IMG_0268.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-8zrSPG4GT24/VO9myho7YqI/AAAAAAAAMJg/5yx4SWDaHkM/s1600/IMG_0268.JPG" height="320" width="209" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Papa & Kavi: stormy photo shoot<br />
Photo by Edward Saenz</td></tr>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-8kiYGok8D1Q/VO9mx9Kl0rI/AAAAAAAAMJY/QRk_yfHbBh8/s1600/IMG_0252.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-8kiYGok8D1Q/VO9mx9Kl0rI/AAAAAAAAMJY/QRk_yfHbBh8/s1600/IMG_0252.JPG" height="149" width="200" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Diggin' his new carseat! For now ;-)</td></tr>
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Recent adventures include another northern Cali beach tour for the <a href="https://www.kickstarter.com/projects/3918747/between-worlds-documentary-film-and-book" target="_blank">Between Worlds project</a> (Kavi saw his first elephant seal close up, whales, fox, skunk...so much animal medicine on this trip), meeting/being admired by LOTS of new people at a couple of papa's work gigs in SF (and mama needing to keep a constant eye out as there were countless not-so-safe treasures to put in his mouth on these beaches), <a href="http://youtu.be/soQoppmu51o?list=PLrDGvrFy8evXj7K1lr4k-RUG-e-RCBe6u" target="_blank">a photo shoot with papa--in the middle of a windy/rainy storm at high tide</a>!, his <a href="http://youtu.be/I92W8vZtl8A?list=PLrDGvrFy8evXj7K1lr4k-RUG-e-RCBe6u" target="_blank">first time crawling into the ocean</a>, his first (second and third) time(s) having a new person come over and spend a few hours with him so we could work uninterrupted, attending a play group in Bolinas, upgrading from the infant car seat (he's SO much happier being in a more upright chair--now he only cries half the time:-)), and a few new foods being added to his diet (papa has made some awesome soups, yogurt w/ spirulina, hemp seeds & banana, brown rice cereal, and two unintended food experiences: chocolate and a cookie--both times he snatched and chomped!<br />
<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: left; margin-right: 1em; text-align: left;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-2l41zTGrU7M/VO9mxXLxYuI/AAAAAAAAMJQ/6s2A6QXBoNs/s1600/IMG_0230.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-2l41zTGrU7M/VO9mxXLxYuI/AAAAAAAAMJQ/6s2A6QXBoNs/s1600/IMG_0230.JPG" height="238" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Oh yes, crab is tasty!!</td></tr>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-7MS6U5dYjAQ/VO9mzWhW2iI/AAAAAAAAMJk/9D1mFUFgAEo/s1600/IMG_0286.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-7MS6U5dYjAQ/VO9mzWhW2iI/AAAAAAAAMJk/9D1mFUFgAEo/s1600/IMG_0286.JPG" height="320" width="239" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Perhaps better with hot sauce!</td></tr>
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And to keep track so I have a place to go for reminders, here are a few of the ways he's been my teacher of late. The obvious and ever present mirror for levels of patience, or lack thereof. Lately I've noticed places I feel I'm deepening my patience (around him crying
in the car, for instance), but then wonder if that's really the case, or
if I'm just learning to tune out certain input. I mean, if I'm actually
becoming more patient, wouldn't that show up overall in my life, not
just around one particular thing? I'm still mulling this over. Another
biggie is clear communication. I've been noticing my language so much
more with Kavi around. Noticing how I talk to him. I might say, "you
don't want to put that stick in your mouth". Then I realize, yes, he
does want to put that stick in his mouth and a more accurate thing to
say is, " <b>I</b> don't want you to put that stick in your mouth". I'm also noticing how I talk <b>about </b>him when he's right there, but as if he's not there. It's an interesting behavior. We wouldn't do that with adults, but seem to easily do so with children. Ok, so I'm seeing I could use cleaning up both in the what and the how I communicate with others. One last lesson to share just came up for me today. I was feeling frustrated with what felt like Kavi's constant displeasure. I was pretty worked up and wanting to run away (at least for a bit). I also felt guilty about my response as it was likely that he was experiencing teething pain and needed more comfort/closeness. At some point I begrudgingly scooped him up to go for a walk. Within a few minutes I felt much calmer, clearer, lighter (the "ahhhhhhhh" of walking on the beach to the sound of the ocean's lullaby). I realized the guilt was both in wanting to offer compassion where another is experiencing difficulty, but also because I wanted to be a "good" parent. And in my moments of frustration/agitation/anger, was judging I was not being that. Then I realized an important distinction. It's not the emotion that's an issue, but the modeling of it, the "how" of its expression. My role as a <br />
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parent is to be a model for Kavi. I want him to feel safe in being/expressing whoever it is that he is becoming. So an important part of that modeling is how I feel/display/express my emotions. Of course I'll have times of feeling frustrated. So will he. I get the opportunity to show him how to express that emotion in a conscious, healthy way. To share what I am feeling and to own that feeling as my own (it wasn't his fault I was frustrated earlier today). And to model tools to shift emotions (like a walk on the beach!) once they have played their part. Mmmmmmmmm, good stuff. Thank you, Kavi. <a href="http://youtu.be/TQ72nLBv5Tc?list=PLrDGvrFy8evXj7K1lr4k-RUG-e-RCBe6u" target="_blank">For the smiles</a> and cuddles and cries and bites--for all the joys and challenges. Each piece is an offering and I am learning so much from it all! <br />
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<b> ~~~~~</b></div>
And now for a few gratuitous photos. And <a href="https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLIoJ6lD5duJ-YPPu_bCnt0q8h57QmqtTi" target="_blank">more video here</a>. And yet <a href="https://plus.google.com/photos/114653936245574432875/albums/6078112536312843585?banner=pwa&authkey=CJ6XhpC7h-bfrgE" target="_blank">more photos here</a>! <br />
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<br />Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02884285325185323535noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3202171299821392235.post-56642944243535744882015-01-09T23:27:00.003-08:002015-01-09T23:27:37.116-08:00Blooming Together<span style="clear: left; float: left; font-family: inherit; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><a href="http://kathryn.mnsi.net/major/08courage.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img alt="courage" border="0" height="200" src="http://kathryn.mnsi.net/major/08courage.jpeg" width="136" /></a>When we are faced with a very difficult situation we have a choice: we
can either be resentful, and try to find somebody or something to blame
for the hardships, or we can face the challenge and grow.<br /><br />
The flower shows us the way, as its passion for life leads it out of
the darkness and into the light. There is no point fighting against the
challenges of life, or trying to avoid or deny them. They are there,
and if the seed is to become the flower we must go through them. Be
courageous enough to grow into the flower you are meant to be.<br /><br /></span><span style="clear: left; float: left; font-family: inherit; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;">I drew this card (<a href="http://www.amazon.com/Osho-Zen-Tarot-Transcendental-Game/dp/0312117337" target="_blank">Osho Zen Tarot</a>) a week or so ago, while contemplating motherhood and my experience with it thus far. And its message has stuck with me, holding wisdom I could benefit to have as a daily (or more) reminder. I hadn't thought about courage in this manner, but when I do, I feel parenting requires much courage. I've been blessed with magic moments filled with a love and joy I've never experienced prior to Kavi coming into my life. And I've smacked up against complex swirls of unpleasant thoughts and emotions I've also never thought/felt/imagined before becoming a mom. Teething, hourly nighttime wake-ups, sudden unrelenting neediness of mama, repeated nipple biting, refusal to having clothes put on and persistent screaming when in the carseat...all situations that have arisen in the past couple months that have had me cringe, cry, and/or curse! And I'm so grateful for all the supportive mamas and papas in my life, on the ready with empathy, calming words, and potential solutions. To witness their varied models of courage offers me hope, strength and renewed resolve. But the one I am most grateful for is Kavi. Though it may be unintentional, this powerful little man is continuously calling me out. Inviting me to learn, expand, evolve. In many ways I feel I've been a great mama thus far. And in many ways I can see, hear, smell, taste and feel how much room there is for growth. May I continue to find the courage to choose the path that leads to growth. For myself, as a model to my son, for the health of my family, and as an offering to the world<span style="font-size: small;"><b>.</b></span></span><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"></span></span><br />
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<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><b><span style="font-size: large;">~~~~~<br /> </span></b></span> </span></div>
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<span style="font-size: small;">And now for a little update on the lil lord! It hardly seems <span style="font-family: inherit;">possible. Kavi is 7.5 months old!! My intention was to write a blog each month around his birthday to keep track </span>of all his new magic. Two months have passed since last I wrote, so there have been many changes and developments.</span><br />
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<span style="font-size: small;">He has also been exploring more of the world of solid food. Now that he has 5 teeth (!), he is really loving trying new things: persimmon, rice cereal, kabocha squash, eggs, broccoli. His other big developments are the mastering of crawling (oh he is fast now!) and <a href="http://youtu.be/8QH3OEFMW88?list=PLIoJ6lD5duJ-YPPu_bCnt0q8h57QmqtTi" target="_blank">standing up</a> (every chance he gets). He has also been making lots of <a href="http://youtu.be/grV6fdsfJ-4?list=PLIoJ6lD5duJ-YPPu_bCnt0q8h57QmqtTi" target="_blank">fun sounds</a>, new facial expressions (like a smile while scruching his nose), playing with his tongue, and what I like to call singing. He lets out a big squeal and often if you repeat it, he'll do it again (with a big smile) and again and again. Sometimes going up an octave, sometimes down. From a wild banshee sound, to a soft, guttural growl. It's pretty fun to play his games! And to watch his sense of humor blossoming.</span><br />
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<span style="font-size: small;">On the more challenging front, he has also learned how to throw a little fit when something displeases him: not allowing him to savor some yummy thing he's scavenged off the ground, changing his diaper, not changing his diaper, pulling the ol' switcharoo with one of his toys to get your charger or electronic device, etc etc. He is still mostly a very happy guy, one who's learning to explore and express his boundaries! And through his explorations, I learn more about my own boundaries. How to express them, how to ask for support and how to shift my perspective and find appreciation in what is (even if totally sleep deprived...oy, that's tough for me!). And with that, I will say good night and go to bed. </span><br />
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P.S. There are lots of <a href="https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLIoJ6lD5duJ-YPPu_bCnt0q8h57QmqtTi" target="_blank">new videos posted here.</a> I love <a href="http://youtu.be/lZeXd0zLyJ8?list=PLIoJ6lD5duJ-YPPu_bCnt0q8h57QmqtTi" target="_blank">this one</a> (start at 45sec). And some <a href="https://plus.google.com/photos/114653936245574432875/albums/6078112536312843585?banner=pwa&authkey=CJ6XhpC7h-bfrgE" target="_blank">new pics here</a>. Enjoy! Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02884285325185323535noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3202171299821392235.post-14309232079631417222014-11-06T22:53:00.001-08:002014-11-06T22:53:38.136-08:00Kavi Love!<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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More than one year has passed since my last entry. Seems I'm not such a prolific blogger. I'm ok with that. The most profound experience of my life transpired in the space between, so now I'm ready to write again. Just over five months ago, dear, sweet, strong, wise Kavi Vayu was born into my life. My son. I amaze at him every day. I cherish him in every moment. I'm grateful for his presence beyond any gratitude I've ever felt. And oh yes, I've now become one of the countless parents who will proudly show anyone willing to look, <a href="https://picasaweb.google.com/114653936245574432875/KaviVayu?authuser=0&authkey=Gv1sRgCJ6XhpC7h-bfrgE&feat=directlink" target="_blank">the infinite pictures</a> (<a href="http://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLIoJ6lD5duJ-YPPu_bCnt0q8h57QmqtTi" target="_blank">and videos</a>) of her first born child. And as I share, I will be beaming and exclaiming and totally wowed as if it were the first time I were seeing the pic as well.<br />
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Most of you reading this have been receiving updates on Kavi since I went into labor on May 25th, 2014. I've really enjoyed keeping you all updated on his growth, explorations and <a href="http://youtu.be/6S0PKT1gdV4?list=PLIoJ6lD5duJ-YPPu_bCnt0q8h57QmqtTi" target="_blank">recent cutenesses</a>. As I've been gathering pics and thinking about sending out another email, it occurred to me that I might appreciate having this in a spot easy to come back to in future years. I'm sure I'll be reading and re-reading it all many times based on how often I've re-visited photos of him from his first few weeks of life. Expands my heart every time.<br />
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This past six weeks or so the three of us were on the road, sleeping in a different bed every few days. <a href="https://2.bp.blogspot.com/-bsSpgz16gYk/VFnQjOJRAHI/AAAAAAAALK0/bFt7kkMOS_g/s1600/20141014_131606.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-bsSpgz16gYk/VFnQjOJRAHI/AAAAAAAALK0/bFt7kkMOS_g/s1600/20141014_131606.jpg" height="150" width="200" /></a>Andres had many projects happening and we were ready to engage the travel as family. Kavi was such a star and brought in so much love everywhere we went! There were two short stints when papa went off on his own to further destinations (to NY and China!) and Kavi & I bopped around together visiting family, friends and handling details from "home" (aka, California). Other than that, the three of us worked and played together on many beaches: Stinson, Ocean Beach, Santa Monica, Torrey Pines, Hermosa Beach, Goat Rock and a few whose names I'm unsure.<br />
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During this time, Kavi had some big moments! He has been spending lots more time on his tummy, diligently exploring how to get his little body across the floor. He can now consistently get on all fours, where <a href="http://youtu.be/v9-W5mK5XX8?list=PLIoJ6lD5duJ-YPPu_bCnt0q8h57QmqtTi" target="_blank">he rocks back and forth</a>, contemplating what to do next. On occasion, he hops his bent legs forward, moves one arm forward or stretches into a downward dog. Though most of the time he still ends up in "Superman", with his arms and legs extended out as if he's flying. He is also sitting up on his own for several seconds, usually falling over when he becomes entranced with his feet, which he wants to chew on. And oh how this boy smiles when you put him on his feet! It's one of the few things that has him completely switch gears when he's feeling upset. With all this new control over his body, he is also content for much longer periods of time on his own, practicing all his new skills and looking for more. Sometimes he hangs out quietly, just checking out his environment and making coos and squeaks and squeals.<br />
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All this working out seems to be making him hungry! He has recently taken interest whenever Andres or I are eating or drinking, reaching out to grab whatever we've got. At first, it was liquids which intrigued him. While at a dear friend's wedding, I was drinking lemonade and he kept reaching out for the glass. There were several yummy drinks being offered, so I poured a glass of cucumber water for him to try. He was a pro at drinking little sips from the big cup. Each time I would pull the glass away, he would reach out for it, appearing to ask for more. Since then, almost any time one of us is drinking something, he reaches out to ask for his share. And a couple weeks ago, he got curious and grabby when I was <a href="http://youtu.be/-mUKLMZcCgc?list=PLIoJ6lD5duJ-YPPu_bCnt0q8h57QmqtTi" target="_blank">eating a banana.</a> When I brought it to him to smell, his mouth opened wide and he swiped at it. I touched it to his lips. He tenuously gummed at it, then made a face that looked like a combination of disdain and disinterest. Then he suddenly lit up and went after it. When I pulled it away, he became even more animated and was insisting on it coming back to him. Thus, the time of solid food is upon us.<br />
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Since that first banana nibble, he has delighted in banana a handful of times, a bite of sweet potato on his 5 month birthday, and one day was sucking on some basil leaves from a friend's garden. He had pulled off some tomato leaves and our friend tried to trade him for some basil. Kavi showed no interest whatsoever in the basil, wouldn't even take it in his hand. Andres then took him over to the basil plant, leaned him over to smell it and bam! Kavi snatched a handful and immediately put it in his mouth! His first harvest. :-)<br />
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<a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-FBdrDWDkn8M/VFnQZkx90OI/AAAAAAAALKU/j5kq00133DI/s1600/20141001_171002.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-FBdrDWDkn8M/VFnQZkx90OI/AAAAAAAALKU/j5kq00133DI/s1600/20141001_171002.jpg" height="200" width="150" /></a>There have also been some notable adventures we've had since last I wrote. First off was Kavi's first plane ride! It was a shortie--SF to San Diego. It was a full day of travel and he was a pro at it! We spent two weeks in SoCal, one week of which was spent at an awesome community in Vista, CA called <a href="http://www.theemeraldvillage.com/" target="_blank">EVO</a>. Our dear friends Yuba & Sarah are our connection to this place, which Kavi first visited while still in my belly this past December and again in February. We love all the folks in this sweet place and they loved up on us so fully while we were there! It <br />
<a href="https://3.bp.blogspot.com/-jsry0SMxzDA/VFnQUdJIULI/AAAAAAAALKE/JrlERbHwavE/s1600/20141001_170710.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-jsry0SMxzDA/VFnQUdJIULI/AAAAAAAALKE/JrlERbHwavE/s1600/20141001_170710.jpg" height="150" width="200" /></a><a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-jsry0SMxzDA/VFnQUdJIULI/AAAAAAAALKE/JrlERbHwavE/s1600/20141001_170710.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"></a><a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-jsry0SMxzDA/VFnQUdJIULI/AAAAAAAALKE/JrlERbHwavE/s1600/20141001_170710.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"></a><a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-jsry0SMxzDA/VFnQUdJIULI/AAAAAAAALKE/JrlERbHwavE/s1600/20141001_170710.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"></a><a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-jsry0SMxzDA/VFnQUdJIULI/AAAAAAAALKE/JrlERbHwavE/s1600/20141001_170710.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"></a> turned out that our timing of being there coincided with Sarah's birthday and with Yuba & Sarah having a ceremony (and super fun party--Kavi's first late night rockin' out!) to include their friends in their recent union. On Sarah's birthday, we spent some time on a beach nearby, where a barefoot Kavi squished his toes and fingers in the sand and had a gritty nibble. Though he had been on many beaches already, this was the first occasion it was warm enough to play in the sand and dip toes in the water. He was into it! Kavi got to put his toes in the sands of a few beaches as we had several workshop commitments on this trip...and he was a show-stopper at every one!<br />
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Once we finished all the work projects, Andres was ready for a bit of relaxation and rejuvenation after so much travel and physical exertion. Time for a good soaking...off to <a href="http://www.harbin.org/" target="_blank">Harbin Hot Springs</a>! We spent one night there, with Andres & I trading off to hit the cold plunge and hot pool, while the other floated in the warm pool with Kavi. He was so at ease in the water, especially when papa gave him a little <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Watsu" target="_blank">Watsu</a> session.<br />
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From Harbin, we headed to <a href="http://laughingheartliving.blogspot.com/" target="_blank">Laughing Heart</a> (our home) for a few days. It was a great reunion for everyone to see Kavi and all his growth. Our final day there was Halloween. We all got dressed up and went out on the town together...Kavi's first trick-or-treat! Though he slept through much of it. <br />
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And now we are landed in Stinson Beach, where we're staying for the winter. We've been in our little beach cottage almost one week and it is a wonderful place! We've been to the beach (and created art!) every day so far. Andres is very excited to have such a great canvas so close at hand...and during the best tides of the year. I'm excited to be in such a sweet spot and looking forward to carving out time for my own creative endeavors. Kavi is just plain excited. :-) The song of the ocean, feel of the sand and vast view of sky and water will weave strongly into this phase of his life. I'm certain we will all experience much growth in our time here.<br />
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<span style="font-size: large;"><b>~~~~~</b></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: small;"> Big thank yous, kisses and love to all the friends who housed, hugged, fed and entertained us during our travels! So many aunties, uncles and cousins. Kavi is well loved! </span><br />
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Today was my second private session with <a href="http://www.aylanereo.com/" target="_blank">Ayla</a>, workshopping around voice, song channeling, the creative process of singing. I had an "aha" today around breath and sound and their intimate interplay. When I hear my own voice as "off", it is not so much my voice as my delivery, my connection to the message I am expressing. And the simple key to experiencing my voice as "on", or how I'm wanting to project it, is to bring in more breath. To bring more air (ie. more life) into the notes...this will send it out much more powerfully, more clearly. Whether it be a loud note or soft. Seems so simple, yet it was profound for me today. I have a whole new excitement and outlook on what is possible and what I am capable of. I plan on taking this lesson into other areas of my life. How much life am I breathing into what it is I'm doing/creating/being? Am I focused on the connection in my body and really giving voice to what's there, or am I focused on fear, criticism, old belief systems, staying small, holding back, holding my breath? Mmmmmm....feels good to come to a place of appreciation for the voice I have. And this leading to a deeper appreciation for the message I carry. We all have so much to offer, such beautiful voices. Let them be heard!Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02884285325185323535noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3202171299821392235.post-54391429051413940282013-09-09T20:47:00.001-07:002013-09-09T20:47:19.961-07:00An Opening...<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13.333333969116211px; line-height: 18.88888931274414px;"><br /></span>
<span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13.333333969116211px; line-height: 18.88888931274414px;">In the past week or so, life has been cresting on the wave of fullness. A couple days ago, I somewhat reluctantly answered the phone call of a friend and in the first few moments noticed I was feeling anxious and wanting to keep the call brief. I don't care for this feeling of hastiness with others because I have a big ol' list of "to do's". Not when the bigger point of life (for me), is connection. So I took a deep breath and slowed my pace a bit, knowing I could still keep the call brief and honor my commitments, but while being more present to the moment(s) we were choosing to connect. Then it hit me! My relationship with busy-ness is all tied up in scarcity...of time. In beliefs around what "has" to be done and the timing i</span><span class="text_exposed_show" style="background-color: white; color: #333333; display: inline; font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13.333333969116211px; line-height: 18.88888931274414px;">t "must" be done in. And when I turned away from that wall of heaviness, I saw through a window of potential...that all the busy-ness currently filling my life is the answer to many of my calls for abundance! Right! So now I'm sitting with and cultivating this new perspective. If/when I feel frantic, to take a deep breath, be sure it's true that I "need" to be tending to all I'm tasking myself with, and to notice what/where all the tasks are coming from. Chances are, many of them are answers to my prayers to the Universe showing up. And it's time for me to show some gratitude! And possibly re-shape or get more clear on the requests if it feels like more than I'm able to handle. Oh this feels like a big one for me! What would it be like if I could meet each task, chore and errand with gratitude, as an answer to some prayer asked at some point in my life? I'm going to explore this a bit...</span>Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02884285325185323535noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3202171299821392235.post-79524355562730511682013-09-06T21:07:00.000-07:002013-09-06T21:27:15.427-07:00Abundance...You Already Have It and How to Access More!<br />
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Abundance of beauty and possibility</td></tr>
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What a vast, magical, thought-provoking and potentially challenging concept! I suppose the place to start is by asking, What Is Abundance? To me, it's a fullness, an overflowing, a feeling of "enoughness" with plenty to spare. It can also feel like an out-of-reach fantasy when focused on lack of something in my life. The beauty of this last acknowledgement is that I hold the power in it. It's my focus that creates that out-of-reachness. At least that's my belief.<br />
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"What makes allowing abundance difficult? Awareness of not enough abundance!" ~<a href="http://www.abraham-hicks.com/lawofattractionsource/index.php" target="_blank">Abraham</a><br />
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Andres w/food from the garden</td></tr>
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So how do I create more? By noticing the abundance I DO have! The gift of this life, my body, a roof over my head, a vehicle that takes me where I want to go, this computer/internet that allow me access to endless resources and connection with others, living so steeped in nature and receiving its gifts daily, food from our garden, and I could go on and on. Everyone's list will look different, yet we ALL have things in our life to be grateful for. Recently I've taken on a daily <a href="http://thesecret.tv/themagic/" target="_blank">gratitude</a> and meditation practice that help me tune into all the abundance I have in my life (and may take for granted) and to feel it in my body. The simple practices of acknowledging what I'm grateful for each morning and appreciating something that happened in my day each night before sleep, have been coloring my days with greater beauty as my heart and perspective can't help but open by bringing more appreciative energy into my life. And it feels as if the Universe is responding to my appreciation by offering me exciting opportunities. Perhaps so, perhaps not. At the very least, though, my choice to focus on what I do have is shifting scarcity beliefs I've carried around for many years. I'm ever more able to witness this world as infinitely resourced and accessible to me.<br />
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What's beautiful about this (besides greater internal satisfaction), is how this perspective change is also shifting negative self-worth beliefs. As I'm able to acknowledge and appreciate how much I have, I also feel more appreciation for myself and that I am worthy of having abundance...as is everyone. The next ring out in this upward spiral is that when I'm feeling full, worthy and blessed, I'm able to extend that abundance out to others in a healthy, connected way! It could be a helping hand, a gift, a donation or a kind word--any of these bring more joy, more light, more love to the world. And can help shift another's belief in their access to abundance, perhaps even inspiring them to give. Keep feeding that upward spiral!<br />
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From a full-heart place, I'd like to share a couple of the ways I'm enjoying sharing my appreciation and abundance with others.<br />
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">HoneyRoot donation jar</td></tr>
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~Make Change Campaign: this is my personal fundraising effort in order to donate to a yearly women's <a href="http://honeyrootretreat.com/" target="_blank">HoneyRoot</a>. Simple! And I'm unlikely to notice being "out" anything since it's just a few coins here and there. Especially when I receive such value out of this ongoing experience! I've shared this campaign with the online HoneyRoot community and invited them to join in the effort...either by saving their coins, or by matching what I save each month. I plan on donating the savings prior to next year's event. In the two months I've been saving, I've raised nearly $40. Exciting to see what it will be in a year! And this model can be used for so much--to help a friend, donate to an organization, or for some self-care cause you wouldn't otherwise spend on.<br />
retreat (that feels to be a budding community) centered around embodiment, empowerment, deep and authentic connection and intergenerational exploration. Here's how it works...every time I make a cash purchase, any coins I receive back go into a jar marked <br />
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Summer Solstice 2013 giveaway</td></tr>
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~<a href="https://www.etsy.com/shop/HeartsAglowCreations/about?ref=announce" target="_blank">Etsy Giveaway</a>: One way I am shaping my <a href="https://www.etsy.com/shop/HeartsAglowCreations" target="_blank">Etsy shop</a> is cultivating it as a space for trusting in abundance...knowing there is plenty for everyone of whatever they need/desire. I am doing this by offering discounts for those who share what's in their heart when they make a purchase, sharing resources and how-to's for those who would rather create their own treasure and by offering a seasonal gift of appreciation for those who witness and support my shop. Every Solstice & Equinox I randomly gift an item from my shop to someone who has "favorited" that item. The next receiver will be chosen and <a href="https://www.facebook.com/pages/Heartsaglow-Creations/104831706369770" target="_blank">announced</a> on September 21, 2013 in honor of the start of fall.<br />
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~Support Local & Individuals: My tendency in donating has become more personalized. Now and then a friend's request for monetary support reaches my email and I'm moved to donate to their "cause" of moving, attending a permaculture course or raising money to start their own biz. Giving small amounts of money a few times a year feels like a nice way to appreciate what flows to me while helping others manifest their dreams.<br />
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In all of this (the giving, the receiving, the believing), it feels as though trust is key. Trust in myself, in others, in the Universe. And I build this trust by being grateful and continuing to expand my perception of what is possible while acknowledging that my perspective is limited and the Universe contains many more possibilities than I can possibly imagine. So, instead of praying that the money will be there when I need it, I offer trust that what I need to be taken care of will be there for me at the right time. Because hey, maybe the cash needed to buy the new car won't show up. But perhaps the car itself will! Or a new life arrangement where suddenly you can bike to wherever you need to go. Abundant possibilities. And for that, I am grateful.<br />
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<br />Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02884285325185323535noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3202171299821392235.post-11306770876625301182013-09-02T23:35:00.000-07:002013-09-02T23:35:21.197-07:00What To DoWow, it's been a little bit since I've shared here. For many reasons. Not the least of which is resistance. I tend to be a list maker, not wanting to lose track of all those super important little to do's that MUST be done. And I tend to lump everything into one list, all tasks great and small. Fairly regularly I am struck with an inspiration that I'd love to write down...an "ah ha" or a breakthrough that I feel would benefit me down the road as a reminder or just in tracking my processes. And often times things that feel pertinent to share. So these inspirations hit and what do I do? I write it on my list. As I move through each day (not many pass without me checking a list at least once), I scan the list for what most wants/needs to be done. And what's quickest to do. And what do I have the most desire or least resistance to? However it is that I choose what to do, invariably the "blog about this" item gets skipped over. At some point, I go through the several mostly scratched out lists of things and start a new list with the items left undone. I did this yesterday and I ended up with a page of "blog about this". And that was only half of the story as there were many I disregarded...those that felt too old, too integrated, too fuzzy to remember. Of course, none of it really means anything. I still am who I am and have not lost anything simply because I didn't document it. Still, there's something for me in writing about my process as a way to go deeper into it, to learn more from it. And whenever I read a journal/blog entry from the past, I often learn from the person I was then or am able to more fully witness who I have become. It can be comforting, encouraging...proof of my change and growth. Especially in times I'm feeling stagnant. As if nothing has changed around some particular issue in many moons. My writings have always shown me otherwise. So, I'm appreciative to be here now. Even though I could have done any number of other things from my list. And almost did.<br />
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Seems I've just written an entire post about not writing a post. I'm going to add on to it by sharing one of the "blog about this" items from my most recent list. Essentially it's messages I've received from nature. I spend a lot of time steeped in it. Currently I live in a woodsy area in a carport structure with one wall ever open to the outside world and all my amenities are outdoors...kitchen, shower, compost toilet. I'm also just a mile or so from the Yuba River, a dear friend of mine. Most of my trips to the river are about adventuring, not hanging out. Andres & I love to pick a stretch to explore and we spend several hours hiking, rock hopping and floating our bodies down the river, pleasantly wearied in the end. In these explorations, I've found that the river is quite a teacher, with lots of medicine to share. Floating on a dynamic, ever-changing, fluid transport system requires you to be present, to be "on" both physically and mentally. For me, this opens my channels to take in the layers of what's being shared. Here is some of what I heard on a couple recent excursions that felt like bigger life messages...<br />
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">While floating along (no vessel, just my body), I was enjoying the interplay between trusting and allowing the river to carry me and asserting my own course.~</span><span style="font-family: inherit;">Sometimes the journey was fast and exciting, sometimes slow and relaxing, sometimes smooth and sometimes bumpy (my poor bum!)...but in the end it was all ok and I loved the whole ride!~</span><span style="font-family: inherit;">While hiking on the rocky, slippery, ever changing terrain, trusting my own body and being mindful of every step were key.~</span><span style="font-family: inherit;">Reminders to self to stay grounded in the adventure and breathe in the beauty around me, noticing the colors, textures, smells, sounds.~</span><span style="font-family: inherit;">So much changing in every moment! Temperature of the air/water, winding around the bend to a whole new landscape, light changing throughout the day. Deep pools in deep canyons, shallow flow over lots of little rocks, surrounded by huge boulders, a sandy beach....a flowing canvas of rich scenery! </span><span style="font-family: inherit;">Feeling blessed to use my body and steep in nature so fully, such an intimate connection.~<span style="background-color: white; color: #010101;">Be </span><span class="il" style="background-color: #ffffcc; color: #222222;">care</span><span style="background-color: white; color: #010101;"> </span><span class="il" style="background-color: #ffffcc; color: #222222;">full</span><span style="background-color: white; color: #010101;"> with your precious body, both in action and in thought.</span><span style="background-color: white; color: #010101;"> I was so enjoying the maneuvering through fast flows, deep pools, waterfalls and boulder hopping the edgier parts of the journey...and I was appreciating how strong and capable I felt to take this journey with River. Appreciating what my body is able to do. And then remembering all the ways I dishonor my body...mostly through negative thoughts and feelings of dissatisfaction with this "too big" piece here and that "too flabby" piece there. And yet, look at what my body carries me through every day! So thank you body, just as you are. I will move towards loving you unconditionally and being mindful of how I treat you...even in my thoughts. Thank you for being the vessel for this radiant spirit of mine! And thank you, Yuba River, for the gentle, loving reminder!</span></span><br />
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While I'm on a role of sharing, I'm going to add in a few messages I received last week while backpacking in the Tahoe forest in a stunning area of tall pines, large granite outcroppings and many natural lakes.<br />
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From the mountains... Do not hold on tightly to what you believe to be true for as you continue further on your path, your perspective is likely to change. Standing atop this mountain looking across the expanse to the distant mountains, how you see them and believe them to be will continue to change, the closer in you get. And the reality of their shape, texture, flavor will be vastly different once you sit atop them, now looking back at where you've been (which will now also take on a new quality).<br />
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From the flowers... Flowers bloom even when there is no one to witness, acknowledge or admire. (I love this medicine!)<br />
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I wrote these messages in my journal while sitting at our final campsite, overlooking 3 lakes and expansive and profound earthly beauty. I was admiring the huge pines and twisted junipers, noticing how many of them were growing right out of the rock. And flowers insistently shooting through whatever cracks they could find. So much vibrant life happening even in stark conditions. I was reminded how mysterious and magical life is.<br />
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It feels good to write this all down, to be vulnerable. And to know I can come back to it again and learn from these messages. Grateful for the lessons, the learnings and this life!<br />
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<br />Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02884285325185323535noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3202171299821392235.post-41431722260884226062013-03-17T23:37:00.000-07:002013-03-17T23:37:35.446-07:00Embracing & Allowing Abundance<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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I am part of a magical online community of women called <a href="http://www.soulodge.com/" target="_blank">SouLodge</a>, where we independently travel the <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Medicine_wheel" target="_blank">medicine wheel</a> to learn more about ourselves, ourSoul journey and deepen our intuition through questioning and journey work with earth and animal medicine. This month's totem is <a href="http://www.soulodge.com/annual-membership/" target="_blank">Buffalo</a>, whose medicine is abundance. With all that has been coming through me the past few weeks, I feel we've been journeying deeply together this month. This medicine has been weaving its way in my heart and life perspective. I've been embracing and allowing abundance. Embracing through acknowledging all the ways I feel abundant in my life, then letting the feeling that generates expand in my body...then feeling more abundant! Allowing through recognizing that abundance can look many ways and feel many ways and really is a communal experience when we allow that in our hearts. So when another is experiencing physical manifestations of abundance (even if I am not), I can also choose to feel the joy of their experience and and feel abundant with them...to trust that there is always enough!!<br />
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As a way to extend these lessons learned into action, I have been making changes to my <a href="https://encrypted-tbn3.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcR4dd_2d4r7jeUTECFbmn-tBNrum4XW9DhFxCGvv0YPGk4l0YAY" target="_blank">Etsy shop</a> to reflect them: acknowledging others who inspire me and citing their Etsy shops/websites, random item giveaway every 6 mos and posting <a href="http://youtu.be/cGw0iJgWjuo" target="_blank">DIY videos</a> for those who would like to make their own treasure! These things are some small steps of encouragement for me to keep on the path of extending out and trusting! Thank you so much, Buffalo, for your wisdom and guidance in all of this!Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02884285325185323535noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3202171299821392235.post-68842468804615367152013-03-15T19:30:00.003-07:002013-03-17T23:43:59.483-07:00Make your own...DIY Yumminess!<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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The past few days I've felt a creeping craving...that nothing-else-will-do but a sweet treat feeling! Yesterday I decided it was time to satisfy that craving. But with what? Nothing in the pantry felt like it would be all that satisfying. Then I realized it wasn't just a craving to eat a sweet. It was a craving to create. It's so much more satisfying to savor your own creations. And I'm reminded of Rule #39 in Michael Pollan's book<a href="http://amzn.to/Z63ZXt" target="_blank"> <i>Food Rules</i></a>: "Eat all the junk food you want as long as you cook it yourself". That is a good one for helping to keep the ol' sweet tooth in check, not to mention having a greater knowing of exactly <i>what</i> you are eating. And what I decided I wanted to be eating was cupcakes...yum! One of my favorites, though I rarely make them. This brings me to the real reason for my share today...this is a great recipe! I used the base of a recipe I found online, with lots of changes to make them mine. Here is the morph of that recipe:<br />
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<b>Gluten Free, Vegetarian (option) Hearty Chocolatey Goodness!</b><br />
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1 1/2 cups Pamela's Gluten Free Baking Mix</div>
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1/2 teaspoon salt</div>
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1/3 cup coconut sugar (or other granulated sugar)</div>
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1/2 cup raw cacao powder (or cocoa)</div>
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1 teaspoon baking soda</div>
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1 cup gluten free oats (optional)</div>
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1/2 cup shredded coconut flakes (optional)</div>
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1 tsp cinnamon</div>
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*If you leave out oats/coconut flakes, be sure to decrease amount of chocolate hazelnut milk/water added. Feel free to contact me with questions!</div>
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5 tablespoons coconut oil</div>
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1/2 cup maple syrup</div>
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1/4 cup molasses (optional)</div>
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1 tablespoon white vinegar</div>
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1 teaspoon vanilla extract</div>
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1 egg (or 1 Tbsp ground flax mixed with 1/4 cup water)</div>
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1 1/3 cup chocolate hazelnut milk (original recipe called for cold water) </div>
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1/2 cup semi-sweet chocolate chips (optional)</div>
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1 cup walnuts or goji berries (optional)</div>
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<span style="border: 0px; color: #fb6400; font-size: 13px; font-weight: bold; letter-spacing: 0.05em; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; text-transform: uppercase;">DIRECTIONS:</span></div>
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<tr style="border: 0px; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px;"><td style="border: 0px; color: #fb6400; font-weight: bold; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px 5px 0px 0px;" valign="top">2.</td><td style="border: 0px; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px 0px 8px;" valign="top">In a large bowl, combine all dry ingredients. In a separate bowl, mix all wet ingredients <b>except for hazelnut milk. </b>Add wet to dry. When dry ingredients are thoroughly moistened, pour in hazelnut milk and stir until batter is smooth. Stir in chocolate chips (and nuts, berries if adding) and pour batter into lined cupcake tins.</td></tr>
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These are super hearty and yummy on their own, though I do like to frost them. This round I melted some coconut oil, then added cacao, cinnamon and a little maple and cayenne to taste. Once this concoction hardens a bit, it's the perfect addition to this little handful of heaven! These are great to make as a gift...imagine how many smiles you could evoke by giving a cupcake to a friend, a neighbor, a stranger. Just be sure to save one for yourself!Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02884285325185323535noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3202171299821392235.post-91482083505239696992013-03-13T23:48:00.001-07:002013-03-13T23:48:52.114-07:00wind in my hair, change in my heart<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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I'm not typically a fan of the wind. I appreciate its roles in shifting, clearing and spreading, I just don't enjoy being in its presence. However, today while walking through a vast, open space bordered by distant snow-capped mountains, I felt a new appreciation for one of wind's primary qualities--movement. I felt it move across my face and through my hair and that movement created a sense of freedom and flow that charged my heart with a burst of energy. And that excitement and appreciation in a situation that in other times had me feel scattered, resistant, ungrounded, was an opening. An opening to receiving, accepting, allowing another (in this case, an element) more fully into my heart. Where else do I typically close, resist or disapprove of something or someone where I can open wider to find something beautiful to connect to? How can I invite movement into my way of being/seeing? Thank you for the wisdom, wind--I'll do my best to live it!Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02884285325185323535noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3202171299821392235.post-89518985069496965942013-01-04T18:39:00.002-08:002013-02-18T16:47:53.670-08:00rinse, repeat<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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i love when the same message continues to come through as if saying, "really, this one's for you!". ok, i'm listening. and i agree this message serves me...it would serve anyone. the message is to let go, rebirth, recreate. yesterday's <a href="http://www.amazon.com/Goddess-Guidance-Oracle-Doreen-Virtue/dp/1401903010">Goddess</a> card was <a href="http://www.ashtarcommandcrew.net/forum/topics/goddess-knowledge-and-wisdom-2">Kali</a> (Endings and Beginnings). her message is that we must release the old in order for something new to enter in. <a href="http://www.blogger.com/blogger.g?blogID=3202171299821392235#editor/target=post;postID=3801433597846208146">inner wisdom and stillness</a> are what i want to invite more of into my life. these rebirth cards continuing to come in alternately with intuition and peace cards is a reminder that i need to make space for these things to come into my heart fully.<br />
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the morning i pulled this card i awoke from unpleasant dreams with a heavy heart and a story playing lightly on my mind. it was a story that was encouraging distance, disconnect and ultimately more heavyness. time for some stillness and introspection! after a <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Japji_Sahib">20 min sound meditation</a>, i opened my eyes and my heart to a realization supported by Kali. loneliness, sadness--whatever emotions i might be feeling--are a reminder to connect more deeply with myself. not to separate from others. often our feelings of sadness, anger, anxiety etc. are caused by a perceived wall between ourselves and other(s). and it can often be our response to make that wall bigger. an "i'll show them" response by shutting down, running away, yelling...whatever the mechanism of protection and self righteousness. when really<a href="http://bravegirlsclub.com/archives/13148"> love is always the answer</a>. so here it is, my chance to let go and create a new beginning. to quiet and to release any stories of separateness and to welcome in greater connectivity. starting with connection to me! so i'll continue on my path of growth, making room for more of what i want.Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02884285325185323535noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3202171299821392235.post-41731011393966513622013-01-01T20:16:00.001-08:002013-01-01T20:16:59.666-08:00recreate<a href="http://globalpsychics.com/images-globalpsychics/bat.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://globalpsychics.com/images-globalpsychics/bat.jpg" /></a>today i drew <a href="http://scottfoglesong.printandwebdesign.com/42-bat.pdf">Bat</a> from the <a href="http://www.medicinecards.com/">Medicine Cards</a>. this medicine is about rebirth...how fitting for the first day of this new year. i'll take it! :-) bat symbolizes the need for a "death" of some way of being, seeing, believing. the time for letting go of old patterns that do not serve what is now coming through. and i can feel so much wanting to come through. the key piece here is to move in harmony with what wants to shift, to be. so i endeavor to be a channel for love by continuing to let go of that which does not serve me, to move towards that which is in my highest, to be willing to listen and receive support and to remember there is nothing to know and everything to learn. aho. thank you for your medicine, Bat.Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02884285325185323535noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3202171299821392235.post-38014335978462081462013-01-01T01:46:00.001-08:002013-01-01T01:52:56.667-08:00reflections<a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-Bz1g7BWVqFE/UOKtvDV1-GI/AAAAAAAABAI/yZYEa_gBrXE/s1600/shot_1356296488973_0.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="200" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-Bz1g7BWVqFE/UOKtvDV1-GI/AAAAAAAABAI/yZYEa_gBrXE/s200/shot_1356296488973_0.jpg" width="200" /></a>it feels challenging to recall all that this past year held, time being the illusive companion that it is. what i do recall fully and fondly are the amazing places i've lived--both the lands and homes that held me--and the amazing beings (of the 2 & 4 legged varieties) i've been blessed to have in my life. and for these things i'm most grateful. as i contemplate the upcoming year (a mere 10 minutes away!), i realize that among all the dreams, inspirations, plans and hopes my heart carries, my biggest desire is to continue to cultivate deeply within myself so that these blessings will continue to show up and grow in my life. or perhaps it's so that i will recognize them when they are there. and even if there are times these blessings are sparse (or at least i'm perceiving it that way), i will be able to call on the inner strength and love i've cultivated and continue to shine with radiant appreciation for all the gifts the world is perpetually offering. and of course there will be dark moments. may i find appreciation for those too...for the teachers that they are.<br />
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a few weeks ago, i attended a potent women's circle with a group of friends both old and newly met. before the gathering, we were asked to consider what we wanted to bring into our lives in the coming year. for me, the answer was (and is) inner peace and intuition. once in the circle, we were all able to offer a prayer of invitation to other women in our lives who might benefit from the strength and support of what we were creating as well as calling in any goddesses to support us in our process. i called in <a href="http://landofgoddesses.files.wordpress.com/2012/01/athena2.jpg">Athena</a> (Inner Wisdom) and <a href="http://www.google.com/imgres?hl=en&sa=X&tbo=d&biw=1280&bih=709&tbm=isch&tbnid=UBx4x-48zuQJAM:&imgrefurl=http://donnathomson.com.au/daily-insights/peace&docid=QEEFsT2ZI7pa0M&imgurl=http://donnathomson.com.au/wp-content/uploads/2012/03/eireen-225x300.jpg&w=225&h=300&ei=fJ7iULWpAYrkrQHy0oC4DQ&zoom=1&iact=rc&dur=380&sig=117807481563278932994&page=2&tbnh=145&tbnw=120&start=36&ndsp=45&ved=1t:429,r:49,s:0,i:245&tx=84&ty=76">Eirene</a> (Peace), inviting them into the circle as well as requesting their continued guidance. since that magical gathering, i have noticed them both showing up in different ways...in dreamtime, in feeling my intuition and stillness, in drawing their cards from the <a href="http://www.aeclectic.net/tarot/cards/goddess-guidance/">oracle deck</a>.<br />
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Andres atop Pinnacle Peak</td></tr>
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i do so appreciate when messages come to remind me, to presence me, to slow me down, to connect me to source. today my reminder was a playful one. Andres & i are visiting his grandma & dad in Arizona. we decided to explore somewhere new and get in a little hike. on our drive to <a href="https://www.google.com/url?sa=t&rct=j&q=&esrc=s&source=web&cd=1&cad=rja&ved=0CDIQFjAA&url=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.scottsdaleaz.gov%2Fparks%2Fpinnacle&ei=y6PiUJboIIOmqgH0_oGoBw&usg=AFQjCNG76WDUjIJsBd0-tmvpvUKQIJnZNA&sig2=iP7xjMA9ACdI-Bt0lKQ1vw&bvm=bv.1355534169,d.b2U">Pinnacle Peak</a>, i took a wrong turn. i realized it right away and pulled over to the side of the road. while waiting for a clear path to turn around i half-jokingly said, "we must have come this way for some reason". the next moment a <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Greater_Roadrunner">roadrunner</a> zipped out of the bushes next to our truck. i laughed and said "see. there it is." it darted into the bushes again. not having seen one so close before, i wanted more of a look. and it came back! we sat there for another few minutes while he (?) weaved in and out of hiding, munched on a few bugs eventually took interest in our idling vehicle. head bobbing up and down, he creeped closer and closer, tail straight up and intently eyeing Andres. then another car went by, he ran off and we turned around and got on our way again.<br />
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<a href="http://cabezaprieta.org/images/cactuscarol/roadrunner_01.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="272" src="http://cabezaprieta.org/images/cactuscarol/roadrunner_01.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
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when we got home from our hike, i looked up <a href="http://whitesparrowsanimalmedicine.blogspot.com/2008/11/65.html">roadrunner medicine</a>. the gist of what i received is roadrunner teaches us to think quickly on our feet and choose the best direction, but to avoid making our decisions based on what others would have us do. hhhmmmm. sounds like more inner wisdom stuff. funny, this morning i drew <a href="http://landofgoddesses.files.wordpress.com/2012/01/athena2.jpg">Athena</a> (again!) and from the <a href="http://www.osho.com/Main.cfm?Area=magazine&Sub1Menu=tarot&Sub2Menu=oshozentarot">Osho </a>deck i drew <a href="http://blackunykorn.blogspot.com/2010/10/tarot-meditation-card-for-day-osho-zen.html">The Burden</a>, which basically reminds us to not take on the expectations of others. i suppose we can always find meaning if we are looking for it. and i often am. and i feel like i found it again today. repeated reminders to trust in myself. as i continue to work with this, i thank each of you for the ways in which you support, love and shine your light on me! may your 2013 bring some of what you want and all of what is best for you! <img goomoji="B0C" src="https://mail.google.com/mail/u/0/e/B0C" style="font-family: arial; font-size: small; margin: 0px 0.2ex; vertical-align: middle;" /><br />
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<b><span style="font-size: large;">~~~~~</span></b></div>
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