As the season shifts from summer to fall (I love this corridor space--the simultaneous welcoming and bidding farewell!), I've also been feeling the shifting season of Kavi's life and our relating. His clear, powerful communication, his adept physical abilities and his ever expanding ways of connecting with others (and individuating from me) are all saying to me that he is no longer a baby, he is a child. And as I sit in this momentous corridor, I am feeling excitement and melancholy for all that is to come, all that has been, and all that is.
Kavi is a potent being that I am so honored to have in my life and connect with on so many levels. I am grateful for the tender, beautiful and wild spring we spent together. We are growing together. And as I continue to deepen into and accept the role of mama in my life (as well as sister, partner, friend, artist, and beyond), may that mean a deepening into more stillness, compassion, wisdom--into acceptance and embracing of mamahood (and life) and all that it brings: the sweet moments, the sleepless nights, the snuggles, the tantrums. All of it. I'm beginning to understand the cliche "cherish every moment" that is oh-so-often uttered to parents (and one that I have despised many times when I heard it). That understanding is growing in the corridor, where the conditions for cultivating such things are ideal.
The moving on, disappearing, changing of something creates a space for appreciation of that thing. I am there. For as often as I struggled with mama-ing a baby and then toddler, I am now in such appreciation of those precious times. Missing them. Doing my best to stay out of any judgment about how much or how little I was present to those fleeting stages. Trusting that we both were right where we needed to be. Knowing that this current transition and all the emotions it brings up are guides, informing my future relating. This brings me back to present moment, noticing my heart and how much it swells as I watch Kavi play, sleep, ponder, engage life. I am in love with this boy. That feels good. May I feel this love through all of the seasons we will share in this lifetime.
So sweet a writer, so articulate.
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